Tuesday, 28 December 2010

I liked this so much I had to steal it

1) Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.

2) Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to speak Ebonics…

3) Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.

4) Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.

5) Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.

6) Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.

7) Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids; it’s an accessory, you bought it so it’s yours.

8.) Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn’t mean you’re cheap.

9) Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show you some appreciation.

10) Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a Queen.

11) Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.

12) Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even if others don’t agree YOU have to live with the consequences, not them.

13) Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.

14) Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn’t mean you don’t love your Brothers.

15) Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There’s a reason she’s been your girl from day one.

16) Never apologize to your old friends about ‘new’ friends; God continues to bring His daughters together to uplift each other.

17) Never apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.

18) Never apologize for saying NO

19) Never apologize for looking beautiful. You are beautiful.

20) Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out. 

21) Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.

22) Never apologize for changing your mind. It’s your prerogative.

23) Never apologize for someone else’s Bad Day: A friend snaps at you and you’re expected to say sorry? Exactly where is the logic in that?

24) Never apologize for being honest. People often say, “The truth hurts,” or “you can’t handle the truth,” or “you don’t really want to hear the truth.” The fact of the matter is everyone does WANT the truth.

25) Never apologize for being alone. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, relish in the opportunity to spoil and cherish yourself…to meet only your demands….to listen to only your requests….. And to tend to only your needs.

26) Never apologize to anyone for being single! Always remember just like God is working on you; He is also working on your mate and when the time is right you will meet!

27) Never apologize for being educated and behaving accordingly! Your mama didn’t raise a fool!

28) Never apologize for refusing to compromise your integrity. Always adhere to your moral and ethical principles.

29) Never apologize for not tolerating bad behavior, at home, in public, in the workplace…

30) Never apologize for taking a break. It’s more healthy and beneficial to literally stop every once in a while to breathe, to let your hair down, to relax, to rejuvenate. It’s necessary.

31) Never apologize for Investing in Your Looks. Its’ all about feeling confident, not about doing yourself up to land a man. And it makes facials, manicures, pedicures and the sauna worth every cent.

32) Never apologize for hoping your children will be Cuter than your Friends. Honestly, your pals are hoping the same thing.

33) Never apologize for being Inexperienced. That doesn’t mean you lack great ideas. So stop prefacing sentences like “…but I did not, I am not, I haven’t…’’ stick to what you’re training for or have been trained in and be proud!

34) Never apologize for having a Crazy Family: Give your guy & friends a heads up about them, but never insinuate that their problems taint you.

35) Never apologize for helping others. Be free, do what you want to do, not others, help happily where necessary, only mean people & haters will laugh at you and pull you back.

36) Never apologize for saying exactly how you feel, only if you have every reason and every right to feel that way. Respect and courtesy must always be present though.

37) Never apologize for the books you like to read (that’s if you’re a reader). You’re allowed to choose whatever kind of reading material you like. You’re an adult, and well aware of all the choices out there. If romance works for you, read them proudly. People don’t apologize for liking romantic comedies at the movies, or chick flicks. They like them. So what?

38) Never apologize for where you come from. There is a good reason as to why God meant for you to be born there, it doesn’t matter whether you’re from Asia, Africa, America we are all humans at the end of the day, no one was born in the moon anyway.

39) Never Apologize for Loving the Lord, for calling His Name, for Having Absolute Faith in Him, He’s your father, He’ll Light Your Path.

40) Never apologize for being YOU!

Tiffed from femmelounge

happy holidays and ? closure

Am I or am I not over the ex? That's the question. I oscillate between a yes and a no..wtf is wrong with me? Afterall we broke up in January - no, scratch that..afterall, I broke up with him in January. Yes as in 12 months ago January *sigh* because I gave up on us. I gave up on the year old long distance thing we had going on and broke his heart, and mine, in a thousand and ten tiny little pieces

It's been a bit touch and go since then, clipped conversations, safe emails and text messages, long stretches of silence and resurfacing like nothing happened - all year. I thought I was fine - even had my little 48hr christmas affair (which his memory managed to ruin btw). I though i was fine he sent me a message today and i wondered why i could finally admit to myself that i missed him with tears stinging my eyes - they didn't fall though! Just stung. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.

When I find myself going round the same old shit and asking if just maybe we're meant to be - when i don't even believe in that, i start to get pissed off jare! It's enough jor, 12 months later, i shouldn't be going through this shit. mscheww..

In other news, I've thoroughly enjoyed the christmas break (which ends today #sob). I can honestly say hand on heart that I haven't had such a good christmas in all of my life - honestly! Christmas party at a new friend's was a.w.e.s.o.m.e. such good fun. boxing day was just as awesome, i made sweet love to my bed..hehe and then had friend's over on the 27th! take out, laughs, good movies...fantastic times! The last few days have made up for the past 11 months in all honesty. They say friends are the family we choose  :)

Right, off to enjoy the rest of the holiday before reality comes crashing down in the morning.

Happy holidays!


Sunday, 19 December 2010

A christmas affair

I want to have an affair. Yes, i do. Okay, mayhaps (i know that's not a word) affair's the wrong word. I should say a fling. An affair gives the impression that i'm in a relationship of some kind. I'm not, i'm very single. I'm pretty certain the object of my intentions wants a fling too. Yep, most certainly not a relationship.

I finally admit to myself that i'm even thinking about it. There's no other reason for entertaining and encouraging continous bbm messages and conversations bursting at the seams with innuendos. Gosh, my friends would have a coronary if i said this out loud *hehe*

It's weird and interesting at the same time, certainly a new revelation of myself. I guess i'm enjoying the recent male attention a little too much, it's been a while. Heck, it's been a whiiilleee! :D I mean, i'm pretty certain brother man's not looking for anything deep (i stopped worrying about 'leading him on' after i realised) neither am i to be very honest. But he's cute and interesting and i'm enjoying being flirted with.

I stopped the guilt tripping and decided to ride this out and see how it turns out. It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday period already :D

I'll keep you dearest blog posted.

I hope everyone's gearing up to have a wonderful holiday and no one's gonna be alone for the christmas/new year period.

Merry christmas!


Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Confused dot com

image from http://evilcowtowninc.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/confused.jpg

I've come to the realisation, and i'm willing to admit that  i do not have a clue what i'm doing with my life or where i'm going. Sure, sure, I'm a doctor now, i always wanted to be a doctor. Then adulthood set in, and along with it came disillusionment. I know what my one overarching dream/vision is but i don't know how to get there. I know what step to take, hell, i don't even know how to lift a foot.

I confess to being under some degree of stress recently. I aknowledge the feelings of loneliness that creep up on me from time to time. I was shocked to catch myself wishing for a family or friends to be around. Sheesh, tired of spending holidays by myself all the time jare. I say that like i'm not working through the holidays this season. Truth be told, i don't remember the last time i was truly, freely happy. I don't remember the last time i laughed from my stomach, the last time a smile reached my eyes.

That's besides the point. The point is that I can't answer the 'what the hell am i doing with my life?' question and that bothers me. I refuse to let my life pass me by but i don't know what to do about it. I'm not scared to do what i need to do, i just don't know what it is i need to do!

I do know at the very moment that i need to go take a shower and take out the trash. Now that i can do. But then what?

Any shrinks out in blogsville willing to help a sister out?

Monday, 15 November 2010

comming up for air

My sleep-wake cycle is royally messed up, no thanks to my recent week of nights! I was dead tired at 5.00pm, had a long nap and now i'm wide awake at half 2 in the morning! I'm so mad at that, i hate it! I need to correct it, but i soo hate forcing myself to sleep! oh well..

Eeek, I had a nightmare last night, yes, nightmare! I dreamt that I married some random high school friend after 2 weeks of dating! O_O !! Not least because i don't even like said random high school friend because he's so..so..whiny! He moans about everything on facebook and bbm! sheesh.. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the nightmare! The wedding was awful, it was small and I looked like a trick! O_O! Now, i'm all for small weddings but getting married to some random not-liked-guy in a wedding with only friends and no family! AND to top it all off, i was in a stupid stupid knee-length halter white dress! O.M.G!! WTF?? The nightmare didn't end there! The camera broke whilst taking pictures and in the nightmare i couldn't remember how the said husband even proposed, neither could he! Eeeeekkkk!! And then *oh yeah! there's more!* I called my ex and said i just wanted him to know i got married before he found out through press, and then he went mute! What the hell right? *le sigh*

You can see why i called this a nightmare right? I mean, imagine all that! I overslept because of the n'mare and got to church late as well! I prayed against that ish real quick! Tufiakwa! Oloun ma je!

Aiiiiiiii! Man life's going by sha. A friend called me to rant about how i've ignored him and not called. I wish people could understand that my life is literally wake-work-sleep and do it all over again. When i'm not working i'm too tired to care, you should see my apartment! But I know that I ought to make an effort, i know that. Even the thought of that makes me tired! I do though, i don't want to wake up one day and find myself all alone.

I received a couple of dreams this past week, and I'm praying for favour to do them. Now, i'm not a career person, I'm not a competetive person at all and doing things to boost cv and all that ish is not for me. But I've always said I want to go back home and clearly, i'm going to need to learn some relevant medicine for that part of the world, you know, self improvement and all that. I understandably know nothing about malaria and the likes, so i'm protecting and working towards doing a diploma in tropical medicine. I'm not going to be able to do it until autmn 2012 because it's a full time course and there are only 2 schools in England who offer the course - london and liverpool and only 70 places in each school! Competetion much? LOL..I'm going to a fair on wednesday in manchester, i believe the london school will be there to get some more information about best time to apply and all that. What i can do in the mean time is start saving! My designer bags are going to have to wait lol...i kid!

The other one is to complete both parts of my membership exams prior to that. Heaven knows why membership exams are so costly! I best get my read on and behave myself. Favour is one thing, putting in the work is another.

I had much more to write about, but I best make myself sleep, it's 3am now. Got a bit of shopping to do in the morning and reading. I've promised myself some leisurely reading this week i've got off. Last time i read a book was before graduation! And i actually enjoy reading..I've got a couple of yoruba books I was so excited to recieve in the summer to better my spoken and written language, i've only managed to get through a couple of chapters!

Glad Sting's back writing, her post on heart break is hilarious! LOL..and oyin handmade hair products in the UK? Score! Natural hair maintenance just got easier! hehe...

Right, i'm off to bed, have a good week everyone.


Monday, 1 November 2010

Emotionally tired

It's the end of the weekend, I ought to be well rested and ready to have a go at the new week. Yet I'm tired, exhausted actually. I've come to realise it's an emotional/psychological tiredness as opposed to a physical one.

I had a pretty roller-coaster saturday which has spilled over into my sunday. I recently sent off an application to renew my visa via post because i'd already been to the home office and failed, i refused to go through that a second time *I promsie to write about it when it's all done* I received a letter on saturday morning instructing that i go submit my biometrics within the next 15days from the date the letter was written (which was already 3 days before i received it) otherwise my application would be invalid. I wondered if these people know that regular people have jobs to go to *smh* Anyway, wild horses would have been unable to drag me to the home office in sheffield so I opted to go to the post office in durham instead, an hour and some train ride from leeds.

The post office shut at 4 and my train was scheduled to arrive durham at 2, only it didn't. We got stuck on the tracks due to a signal fault just outside the station actually, which was more frustrating, for about 45 minutes and arrived durham round about three. I was already mighty stressed by the point the train finally pulled into durham because I had only an hour to get my business sorted.

While the train was immobile on the tracks, my stress levels rocketed through the roof, and i sent up a desperate prayer to God, as in literally said 'Father i'm desperate i have to get this ish done, please move this train', barely a minute after my desperate cry we moved! Finally got to durham, no taxis at the taxi rank and i thought fantastic! Things weren't looking peachy. Waited impatiently for a cab, got to the post office only to be told to come back another day that the system had broken down and several attempts at re-booting had not helped.

That was the last straw. I broke down in tears. I had had enough. The visa steez has been dragging on for so long, I'd had a 77hr week at work and was completely exhausted, not having had anything to eat all day, the train delay, no cab and then to be told i couldn't give the fingerprints just tipped me over the edge. I cried for about a minute or two.

I acknowledged that i was stressed and fed up because i.do.not.cry. As in, in all honesty, i don't remember the last time i shed a tear, i didn't even cry at my dad's funeral for pete's sake! I guess it all just got to me. I wearily go to the atm go get money for a cab back to the station only to have this nudging to go back and ask for the post office number so i could call next saturday before travelling down there. I thought about asking the lady to please re-boot one more time, but dismissed the thought.

As soon as i walked up to the booth, the lady exclaimed 'thank goodness you came back! It's working now!' I was like shuo??! are u sure? Apparently one of the staff had gone out to look for me because i'd been so distressed to tell me it was working but didn't see me. At that point i couldn't even crack a smile, i was soo relieved, i can't begin to help you understand! So yeah, got it done, trekked back to the station and started the long journey home.

God had my back! I did not even hesitate in giving Him thanks. Twice He saved my ass in one day! I've always said that God loves me, how He always shows up just on time never ceases to amaze me!

I got home round about half 6 completely weary and then my tesco delivery came! I can't believe i've been living on practically no food just because i haven't had the time to go grocery shopping.

Anyway, that was my weekend. It was supposed to be restful, i was supposed to do some reading. No such luck. So much emotional drama. I can't imagine how some people actively seek drama in their lives sha, I can't bear it. I'm not good with emotions: emotions are the devil! lol.. so fickle and yet so powerful, but i've always maintained that emotions are to be subdued. We are the boss of our 'feelings' and not the other way round..i digress

Anyway, got a chance to properly thank God with dance and song today at church. Sometimes when we watch people at church, we wonder why they are so effusive..man, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches jare!

On a random note, i'm going to join the  youth fellowship in church! My friends would give me a collectiive side eye to this proclamation lol! Only because i'm one of those who relish anonymity, but i figured what other way to meet people in leeds and actually have some human company besides patients, nurses and doctors. I mean with all the time i spend working, i can't see how else i'll get to meet people and i have no intention to be all alone in this city. Anyway, fingers crossed for that.

On another random note, i've finally admitted to myself that i'm not completely over the 'crush' i blogged about earlier on. I mean the fact that i'm not okay with him bringing up his girlfriend anytime we chat on bbm just smacks of that. I can't pretend that it's not true and i can't keep brushing her aside whenever she comes up in convos  - denial much? It was his birthday this friday just gone and he spent it with her, fair. I mean he'd been so down lately i was glad he finally took my advice and took the weekend off, but i can't explain what went through my heart and head when he gushed about spending the weekend with her. Yep! major R.E.A.L.I.T.Y. C.H.E.C.K! lol..and so i have made the decision to be deliberate about moving.the.fuck.on! Which sadly means imma have to cut down on the conversations, chat, thoughts etc. beacause earth to enitan: y'all are no longer buddies like that..move over! So yes, mentally i have moved jare, another one bites the dust and we keep on moving...


Gosh, i needed to exhale. i'm off to bed now, on-call this week. I need to focus, re-group and take the week head - on. It's a new month yo, i'm expecting torrential blessings, big big things are going to happen in my life this month beginning from.. right now! It's going to be a season of rest and refreshing for me, after all the shit i've been through this past quarter, i'm looking forward to resting in God's secret place.

What are you expecting this month? Whatever it is, I wish you well. Have a great November :)


Sunday, 24 October 2010

Time, slowwww down plix!

How is october almost over already? Goodness, anyone else feel like the year is flying by? I suppose with my head buried in work, it's only right that i haven't noticed *note to self - must get out more*

Having said that, i have had a lovely weekend though! *yay me! lol* There was a drama/music concert at my church last night, and i couldn't come up with a sensible excuse not to go, plus i thought it was time i actually started meeting new people, it's been 3 months in leeds now, i can't pull the newbie card anymore. Of course the promise of midnight crew performing was enough to get me off my couch :D Glad i went, i had a lovely time and met two new people! lol, yay me! hehe..

If you don't know who they are, they are a gospel music band from Lagos Nigeria. They have toured major major cities, even performed on stage with some gospel big names a la Don Moen, Kirk Franklin etc etc I must say though, that they sound a-ma-ziinggg live! Their recordings don't do them justice.

*I really wanted to insert their 'igwe' video in here, but i can't figure out how to do it. But errm, youtube is your friend*

I was on Linda Ikeji's blog and saw this story on street hawkers being flogged and punished. I'm still unable to comprehend that. Like W.T.F?? Honestly, what is the matter with some Nigerians? I mean, how did this come about? Did people actually sit around a table and come up with that nonsense? Did it not cross any one of their minds that perhaps, just perhaps, these poor children did not choose to hawk?! I mean common, what child would choose to be under the scortching Nigerian sun hawking, rather than in a classroom or even home? I don't get it, just don't get it! And these are the people whose mercy we're under, Lord help us all. So much for child protection. I just do not get it!

This is the country I still strongly want to go back to. I've heard it all, from i'm crazy to i'm naive and back down the spectrum again. I've concluded that it's diffcult to explain the longing to go home to someone who's never left home. I mean, how do you make someone understand what it's like to be different, not included, to someone who has never experienced that, especially if they already have the mindset that any other than Nigeria is Nirvana? I only wish i could answer the question that plagues me : what difference can i make and how do i do that? I know my dream, i always have known what my vision is. It's to bring an acceptable standard of healthcare to the common man. The one who can't afford Reddington hospital, who can't afford to see a doctor because he needs to go scavenge for his daily bread. In all my years on earth, nothing upsets me more than a wasted / maimed life due to something so trivial, preventable and treatable. I bow my head in shame everytime i hear of a woman dying in childbirth, or someone dying from malaria. In this present time, it's so unacceptable it's embarrasing.

In a country where the doctors have been on strike in a major city for more than a month and nobody in a position of power or authority to change things gives a rat's ass. Why would they though, they can afford to be flown out of the country to treat 'pericarditis'. Can you tell i'm bitter? mxtchewww

But hey, one step at a time, one day at a time. I'm a firm believer of running with your dream/vision and see where it takes you. Of course, i'm open to suggestions, any suggestion - apart from telling me not to go of course :p

On a completely random note, i won a blog giveaway on the natural lounge! *bb dancing emoticon* I've never won anything before so i was so chuffed! hehe. On another note, i'm burnt sting has closed her blog to un-invited readers. I love her blog and used to go everyday through her blog list as well. oh well #shrug. If you're reading sting, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(

Have a lovely week ahead everyone and don't forget your happiness is your responsibility not anyone else's. No one is superhuman enough to make and keep you happy. The energy you put out there is what is reflected back at you. So smile a little and help others out, you'll get that love back shaken, pressed down and many times over.


Friday, 8 October 2010

Still here

*cough - blowing away dust and removing cobwebs* jeez, i haven't been here for a minute. A very apt representation of my life really - dead social and emotional life. All I've been doing is work-sleep-eat-work-sleep-eat-work-sleep-eat..yeah you get the picture

Might explain why i'm so homesick, i really really want to go home *sulking* I've been indulging in my visions of setting up shop at home, even brainstorming fundraising events and such. #dontjudgeme if we don't have dreams and visions what do we have? ----->

The advent of super technology sure has its downside, what the hell is going on with written language? Messanger and twitter means that people can't spell anymore and it irks me to no end! I mean, the meaning of the apostrophe has been forgotten! It's = It is, I'm = I am, Am = am, check and cheque are not one and the same! sheesh!

I'm on a day off today as i'm working all through from tomorrow until friday and my bleep won't fucking shut up! Stupid long range pagers, there are other doctors in the hospital for pete's sake! I'm taking the damn battery out right now, and no nobody will die because i'm not there, it's a flipping hospital #rollingeyes

Anyone else irritated by chirstmas adverts already in october? hiss..no wonder people don't know the meaning of christmas anymore! okay, rant over :)

You know you've grown up when you go through issues calmy and not stressed out, same issues that used to cause you to sin against God and man. I don't know of any bigger stress than financial issues. I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. I've gone from being homless, broke, foodless, all three at the same time some christmases ago, gone through having to walk an hour to uni and back because i didn't have money to get the bus etc etc. The fact that I graduated in spite of all that and that i'm working in spite of the issues that threatened to prevent that are the reasons why i'll never grumble or complain. They are the reasons why I cannot dare not to give thanks to God ever in my life again.

I'm a priviledged child, I've always known that and always been thankful for that. I'm saying this because my dad just came through for me money wise. My ass has been pseudo-broke. I say pseudo cuz I have the money, but can't spend it, because thanks to immigration rules, i have to have over a thousand pounds in my account for a minimum of a month prior to applying for a visa renewal. Imagine just sitting there looking at money and not being able to touch it *hiss* This is why i'm moving back to my own country asap! Anyway, credit card maxxed out, bills pouring in, and your girl is a calm as calm can be! No worries, no panic, niente! And I realised that that calm is from my absolute trust in God and from my experience with His nature of showing up just on time and not a minute sooner or later! *bbm dancing emoticon* I'd been avoiding my post box *hehe* bit the bullet and went to open today, not suprised to find final demands and notices..no worries..opened up my account to pay one off, what do i find? more than enough to pay off alll bills and cards from dearest daddy!and i didn't even break a sweat! *bbm dancing emoticon* repeat after me: God is never late, He is always on time! I'm so thankful, so so thankful!

I found these questions on sting's blog and wanted to do them. I don't have the patience for 100, so i'm only gonna do a quarter, enjoy. Hope y'all have been doing alright, don't forget to embrace the day and don't permit daily issues to rob you of your joy. Afterall, worrying doesn't solve anything, you might as well spend that time living your life. Trust me, i know.

1. How old will you be in five years?
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
3. How tall are you?
       I have no idea, never had a reason to find out really :p
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
      taking some time off work and hopefully going to Edinburgh *hopefully*
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
     Inception - best movie i've seen in a while!
6. Who was the last person you called?
    My dearest brother kunle
7. Who was the last person to call you?
      My work-mate
8. What was the last text message you received?
     From my friend Marian, telling me about a book she's about to edit 
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
    My friend in detriot
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
      Call..i hate texting and chatting, they're so impersonal 
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
      In bed
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
      Mum's widowed
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
       Sept 29th 2010
14. What color are your eyes?
15. What time did you wake up today?
       Not at 6am! The joys of a day off :)
16. What are you wearing right now?
      Grey sweats and a white tee
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
      God bless ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay :) I looveee christmas! I'm like a child in a candy store :)
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
      On the beach ..no contest
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
     Supermarket/shopping mall..too many people jare 
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
      home! Naija! 

Saturday, 25 September 2010

saturday randoms

1. I have not slept this goooodddd in such a lonnng time! *stretching*. That's what a night back in your bed after 2 months on the sofa will do to you

2. I haven't cooked in a long time. I'm psyching myself up to make lasagne this weekend

3. I'm thoroughly fed up with some guy who feels the best way to get me to go out with him is to send me messages 24/7

4. My hair's grown! It's long enough to canerow now :)

5. I've been suffering from the grass is greener syndrome lately, i need to water my own damn garden

6. Looking forward to a trip to Edinburgh *woohoo* dunno if i should crash with michael or stay in a b&b. Not because michael and i are not cool like that, just because, oh i dunno

7. I miss naij, i miss naij a lot. I can't wait to get sometime to go, I can't wait to relocate either

8. I  have discipline and dilligence issues so i'm wondering how i'm gonna get all i planned for this weekend done *places hand on heart* so help me God

9. No i don't miss my mum - yet

10. I don't have a tenth random..tee hee :)

Have a lovely weekend guys, don't forget to live in and savour every moment because life's in the journey not the destination


Friday, 24 September 2010

mum's gone #sob

It only hit me as I was in the elevator that my mum was actually crying and had not in fact developed a sudden cold. What stunned me the most was my reaction to that - abruptness..have I introduced myself as one with issues yet? If you didn't know, now you do.

Mum came visiting three months ago, yeah you heard me right, threeeee months! Hehe..but I only had her over at mine for two months.. I threw such a strop big time. Not that I don't like my mum, but we aint got that kinda relationship. One of her under.g moves was that the two months would be kind of a 'bonding' session with me *rolls eyes* hehe

Anyhoo, I've learnt and grown in leaps and bounds since she's been at mine. I've put a leash on my temper and my legendary inpatience has cooled down a bit thank God. The biggest plus has been the daily home cooked meals after a long day at work, I'm gonna miss that!

It's gonna be odd going home tonight to an empty flat for the first time in two months. I dunno if ill miss her yet, we'll see.it'll prob hit me when I get home, at the same time I've missed my own company.

I hope she's had a lovely time though, my bitachness regardless. I did ask her to leave tomm so I could see her off, tht woman's as stubborn as me. So I have to make do with a goodbye over the phone in the middle of a ward round.

Anyhoo, work time. Ill put up a coherent post later

Have a lovely friday y'all, and yay! Its payday!

Saturday, 18 September 2010

My name is Enitan, and I have anger issues

Not that I'm tryna pronounce anger on my life, but some things get me soooo riled up. I was over at jaguda.com reading an article when i came across the number 1 thing that never fails to piss me off, and it's just a word..a seemingly innocent word, but..

1. The word RIPE..if you're not referring to fruit, for the love of everything good, don't ever refer to me or a woman as ripe! For example, 'Enitan, you're 2x years old and working, you're RIPE for marriage' ewwww...i'm gagging even as i type, makes my skin crawl!

2. This trend of 'african print' being the latest thing in fashion. Just because white people have woken up to the beauty of ankara and kente, we're supposed to bend over backward and agree that it's the IN thing? Bitch, it's been the 'in' thing before your ancestors were born! Hisss, stick to your polyester and leave my ankara off your skin thank you very much!

3. Having to repeat myself..am I the only one who gets hacked off when you have to repeat yourself? Especially when I'm speaking with my mum. Sometimes I wonder if she honestly doesn't hear me or just doesn't listen. EVERYTIME!  I really hate repeating myself.

4. The Nigerian get-married-or-die-trying and get-married-or-live-the-rest-of-your-life-ashamed mentality. Enough said

5. Following on from the above, the Nigerian he's-a-man-he's-allowed-to-cheat-and-not-get-called-out-on-it mentality

6. Bad customer service! Oh my goodness, few things make my blood boil! Err, i'm bringing my money to you and you have the nerve to give me lip?! -------> I move on to the next service provider sharply!

7. Being asked obvious questions. 'Enitan, how much's the train fare from london to leeds?' Mate, you're computer and internet literate right? *rolls eyes* #thatisall

Of course, a truck of load of other b.s piss me off, but these are the ones guaranteed to get me steaming! Trust your weekend's been great. I've had a good time doing absolutely fuck all today..hehe..my precious moments of laziness :)

Enjoy the rest of the weekend and remember, 'don't wait for a hit to make your life, make your life a hit' *cheesy much but true :P*


Saturday, 11 September 2010

It's just a little crush

I have a crush? I'm crushing on someone? :O :O How is this even possible? I'm too old for this *shock* My goodness, lol, i haven't been here in so long, i'm suprised! My first crush was when i was in SS1 *talk about a late bloomer!* Juve was my type - tall and skinny, funny too :). Grew out of that after a while only to realise he fancied me at the time too, years later..lol..wasted opportunity. I'm racking my brain right now and i honestly cannot remember crushing on anyone else after that *celebrities don't count* Oh my days! In my 23 years, i've only had one crush? What is wrong with me?!

Now that i'm no longer an oblivious teenager, i don't quite know what to do with this and i don't like it either. Trust life to be complicated; my second crush *let's call him H* is across the atlantic and..wait for it..in a relationship! Yep..the joys

H and I have been friends for yonks, i don't actually remember the first time we met. He's my big brother's really good friend so we saw a lot of each other, and still do when i'm back home. Which unfortunately is not a lot these days. We certainly clicked, hung out a lot,had fun. But that was it. I certainly wasn't thinking of a relationship, neither was he *or so i thought*. We've always kept in touch too; we hear from each other at least twice a week. Pretty good friendship even though i say so myself.

I noticed something was wrong when he told he was seeing someone and i was completely crushed. I mean absolutely gutted. I guess that's prob how he felt when i was seeing the ex. Anyway, we were having a conversation a few days ago when it transpires that evidently, he'd been into me for a long time but due to the 'ross.chandler.monica' situation, i was 'generally off limits anyway'

I'm like rightttt....so you're saying nothing ever happened cuz of the unspoken rule of not dating ur friend's sister? riigghtt...and then he hits me back with the 'you broke my heart when you started dating ur ex'..and i'm like, mate you know me. You know i'm completely useless with subtle signs and shit, you didn't tell me you liked me, how the hell was i supposed to know?!

Oh well, all that's water under the bridge anyway. He's seeing someone, and he must really like her. I know him well enough to know that he won't date someone he's not into, which just makes me dislike the poor girl whoever she is. I can't believe i've succumbed to jealously and not liking someone i don't even know *wry smile*. Nothing's going to happen, i'm not about to get into another long distance relationship and most importantly, i suspect all this is some kind of 'reactive crush'. You know, cuz i found out he had a thing for me, i had a thing for him, and now i'm imaginning things and letting myself 'feel things'...bah! feelings are for wimps and emotions are fickle!

I'm gonna man up and sort my ish out! If only i knew how..i'm open to suggestions 

In the meantime, i'm covering the weekend night shifts..yep i'm at work friday, saturday and sunday night..I need to go jump in the shower and hop to it..gosh i need a holiday

Have a fantastic weekend guys and remember not too worry so much, nothing's ever be accomplished by worrying. Do what you can, and let the universe sort the rest out.


Tuesday, 7 September 2010

And following! :D

I have two followers! Yipee! Hi guys *excited wave*

Ok that is all, #bye



Sunday, 5 September 2010

holidays, snips and contraception

It's sunday! Which means work starts tomorrow :( booooooooooooo hehe..I've had the most fantastic week off down in London chilling with my friends, living, having fun, attended notting hill carnival for the first time (and couldn't find the bloody naija corner after three hours! I was so gutted. The love of my life Banky W was there :(..i don't wanna talk about it *sob sob* ),falling in love with Don Juane at the open theatre  by the thames under the moonlight, *i looooveeee the theatre, you know how apparently the way to a man's heart is through his stomach or further south?, well, the way to enitan's heart is through the theatre * , drinking, dancing, loving..ahh why can't life be a 24 hour party ??:D :D sucks to be back in leeds to the reality of 7 days of work starting tomorrow! Shucks, being a grown up sucks :P

I was having a conversation with two of my super cool guy friends and the topic of contraception came up, heaven remembers how. Anyhoo I came to realise, much to my dismay, that *most* guys believe the job of contraception lies squarely at the woman's feet and that the snip *they couldn't even bring themselves to say vasectomy! lol* is most certainly not an option. Yep, u read that right. Apparently even when they've had all the number of children they'll love to have, having the snip is not an option because 'what if i want to have another child in my old years?' err..but you would already have had all the children you want! 'yeah, but i want to know my tubes are working, period!' alrighhhtty then i said. Is it then okay to make the woman undergo general anaesthesia to have her own tubes tied when your's is only done under local? What if she wants a child in her own old years? 'well, then she can get it reversed can't she?' All my explanations about how a lady undergoes a proper full on operation to get her tubes tied and how the chances of reversal is a small percentage and also requires a full on operation as opposed to a man having just local anaesthesia for a vasectomy all fell on deaf ears.

The long and short of it was...ladies..err, if you're having sex, contraception is your duty especially if you're with a guy whose idea of contraception is rythm method or having sex whilst the lady is on her period (yes, i had to counsel someone about the folly of that), because at the end of the day, you're gonna be the one preggers and stuck with a baby. The best you're likely to get is a condom, and don't forget that it's around 97-99% effective (which is pretty good to be honest, but the efficacy reduces if an expired one is used, it's not worn properly, it breaks or migrates during sex (yep, people need to go fishing for the condom sometimes)

I get very irate everytime i get seemingly stupid anxious texts from ladies i know worrying they may be pregnant and how can i help, until i realised that people are either very very stupid and no longer afraid of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases or just ignorant. I'm gonna look the other way and assume people are ignorant. So, i'm finally putting up a post on contraception. I'll itemise options below and give a brief spiel about them, hopefully you'll find a suitable method for you. Of course, questions are very welcome, i'll be happy to answer them :)

1. ABSTINENCE: yep! I preach absitence. The ONLY sure way to guarantee you won't get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease is not to have sex in the first place #thatisall. I shall not flog this horse any more.

2. ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE PILL: this is a highly effective ~97% effective WHEN USED APPROPRAITELY. It's a hormonal method of contraception. The gist of it is that you take external hormones 'the pill' and so your body doesn't produce internal ones. The hormones affect the ovaries and influence ovulation. No ovulation = no eggs released = nothing for sperm to fertilise = no conception = no pregnancy! I must stress that when i say hormones, we're talking MICROgrams, so no fear.

There are two types of pills: the progesterone only pill and the combined pill : oestrogen and progesterone. They have slightly different side effect profiles and a chat with your obs&gynae will be a very good idea to help decide which is the better option for you.

How to use it? Take one tablet (they'r really small) once a day round about the same time each day for 28days simultaneously, then a 7 day break and resume on the 8th day. Simple! I must say people have told me that they don't like the pill because they have to take it daily, they're not good with remebering bla bla bla. My response is always the same, if you don't want to get pregnant, taking one pill once a day won't kill you..dillegence is a good virtue to develop anyhoo :P

3. CONDOMS: self explanatory..no? If u need more information, please ask. I shall not be answering questions on the different flavours, textures, colours, glow in the dark ones and such *tee hee*

4. INTRA-UTERINE DEVICE aka the coil: aimed at women who've given birth, only because it's easy to get through a cervix that's been open before, but it's not a complete no-no for ladies who haven't had babies before. Once in place, remains for three-5 years, so no fuss. Like the pill, there're two types: the copper coil and the mirena. The mirena is impregnated with progesterone, and just like the pill, you need to speak to ur doctor who'll discuss the pros and cons and assess suitability. It sits in the uterus and basically, if something's sitting in your womb, if on the small chance an egg becomes fertilised, it won't be able to get stuck on the side of the womb (implantation), so no getting pregnant. There is a small chance of a fertilised egg implanting outside the womb that has been attributed to the coil, but this is a big rarity not the norm.

5. PROGESTERONE IMPLANTS: similar to the progesterone oral pill, but this time, it's a little implant placed just under the skin, slow releases over ~ three months. There's also an injection method.

6. STERILISATION aka tieing/clipping tubes: blocking the fallopian tubes prevents eggs from travelling from the ovaries to womb. Eggs are fertilised in the fallopian tubes and need to travel via said tubes to the womb. Therefore, clipping/tieing the tubes prevents this. Often done after a woman has had all the babies she wants to have for obvious reasons.

These are some of the main contraceptive methods available ladies. Please be aware that having sex whilst on period, while standing up, in a particular postion etc are not listed as contraceptive methods. I kid you not, people still think this.

I cannot but mention that apart from condoms, the other methods do not provide protection against sexually transmitted disease and so are adviced to be used in monogamous relationships where both parties have been given the all clear. Having said that, condoms don't protect against every STD. For example, herpes and crabs only require skin contact to be spread and clearly the condom only covers the penis. So please, don't forget regular screening is important particularly before beginning a sexual relationship, and yes that includes HIV screening too!

*all images are from google*

Hope this has been helpful guys. Remember, the only one responsible for your life is you, take control of it.


Monday, 23 August 2010

My name is Favour

I shouldn't have gone to bed last night, because now i'm awake. I'll be awake all day and then sleepy  at night when i'm on call smh..i really did know better but sleep was oh so enticing :). Yep, I start my week of nights/on-call today, and i'm excited much! hehe..It's one of the few responsibilites that are exciting to begin with before the wear and tear and anti-social nature begins to ruin your life! hehe...we'll see how it goes wish me luck and pray no-one arrests/crashes! I cannot vouch for my life-saving capabilities at 3.00am :P

In other news, mehn, e be like say i get favour tattoed on my fore-head o! I haven't been able to stop praising and thanking baba God. If you've read any of my previous posts you'll see that i've had something to be thankful about. I went to the bank on an afternoon off, i wanted a graduate account so that i can make use of the interest free overdraft facilities. You all know what it's like, broke for like a couple of weeks before payday and just need something to tide you over before you get paid. I'd waited for my certificate to come through the post for ages!, got a copy of my job contract, got my passport, went armed with all the documents i needed, only to be told that i couldn't get a graduate account because i'm not a british national! Shuo, what has that got to do with anything?

I presented my degree, my job contract everything, the woman no gree. She was like she was sorry that was the policy. Trust me to challenge the 'policy', she actually couldn't tell me why! She went to her manager and came back to tell me that because the account comes with up to £1200 interest-free I can't have it because as a foreigner they can't guarantee that i won't leave the country without re-paying the money!

Imagine! See me see trouble! I was stupefied into silence! I didn't even know what to say! I was like you think i've been in school for the past 7 and half years, got a great paying job only to steal £1200? I was like i don't even want that much overdraft, i just want £300 overdraft *i'm a firm believer in not spending what you don't have, i don't agree with the credit culture of the western world at all!* I even suggested she include overdraft facilities on my current account, which was also declined because i haven't renewed my current visa yet. I left so deflated, i wasn't even annoyed just deflated. I started thinking about all the shit i've been through just because i was an immigrant! As in, if i'd gone into Zenith bank will someone have the nerve to refuse me bank facilities because i'm foreigner? Hisssss...and people wonder why i'm so adamant about going back home! It's little things like this, that constantly remind you that no matter how high up the ladder you climb, you're not wanted nor will you ever be seen as nothing but a foreigner. In fact, i should re-name this blog 'the travails of an immigrant' :P

Anyway, that's how i left o, decided to carry my market to a different bank, but those ones needed my bank statements for the past three months. I'd switched to paperless statements a while back so i had to go back to my own bank to request the statements, i went to a different one though. The lady who was going to print them for me enquired why i needed them and told me that the other bank won't accept print outs even from the bank! Another deflation! She then asked why i needed them, i told her the whole story and how i decided to carry my market to another bank, to say she was shocked is an understatement! She apologised, said it was outright discrimination, couldn't believe that with my earnings i was refused a measly £300 overdraft that i asked for. The lady is the same age as me and is an 'immigrant' too, so she understood the challenges and everything. We actually went on to have a really nice conversation about the hardship we see because of our non-british passports, she told me all what she's been through too, even touched on boyfriends and ethnic parents wahala! lol...I offered to show her my certificate and other documents she declined, that's how she upgraded me to an account with interest-free £500 overdraft and even threw in a credit card with a huge limit in for me!

I didn't even know how to begin thanking her! She looked at me with all sincerety and said i shouldn't that she was just doing her job! Mehnnn, if that's not favour, i really don't know what is! As in, she didn't need to do that, she didn't need to ask what i needed the statements for and she didn't need to offer me a better deal than the other bank were willing to give me. She didn't need to go out of her way at all to do any of that for me! I told my mum and she echoed my thoughts exactly: that was God's favour on my right there!

I sincerely believe the first bank was a test, what if i had lost my temper and just stormed home? I'd still be stewing in my overdraftless self...and it's not payday for another 3 days! I need to send that lady something to say thank you, but i can't send her something obvious before her bosses start sniffing around her. I prayed for her and i'm a firm believer in karma, you get what you put out there and she's put out a lot of kindness and love she'll certainly get what's comming to her.

The overdraft was approved the next day, i immediately hit the shops! lol...no, not that kind of shopping! Stocked my house with food and spent the better half of the money at the opticians on my mum, the woman BADLY needed another eye-test and an upgrade on the glasses she had: even i hated looking at the ones she had! LOL

So yeah, patiently waiting for money day! hehe..not like i can spend it sef, i need to leave a certain large sum of money in my bank account for 28 days so that i can renew my visa and the bills are already piling up*kmt* God help me! This country will not be the death of me! *seriously, i should re-name this blog the travails/woes of an immigrant* hehe...it's all character building abi? We keep pressing on and smiling, God hasn't forsaken me thus far, he's not about to abandon me now #truetalk!

I read solomonsydelle's last TTEC on unwanted pregnancy, and tried to comment but it won't work at the time. Seriously, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE?  When you decide to be sexually active did you miss the memo on contraception? The issue makes my blood boil, i can already feel the bile rising in my gut! Even if people no fear pregnancy, una no dey fear HIV? Abi, is it just ignorance? I refuse to believe it is, i started hearing the jingles for gold circle condom when i was barely in my teens! With so many options today, people are still in the unwanted pregnancy mess? I CALL BULLSHIT! SERIOUSLY! I've been slacking on my contraception post, it'll be my next post - honest! *i'm sooo annoyed!*

ooookaayyyy...i'm calming down now... *woooosssaaahhhhhhh*

There, all better :D

I ought to stop writing and figure out a way to sleep today, surgical on-call no be beans! :) Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day. Remember, "the world outside reflects the energy you give it. If you don't like what you see/get, you have every opportunity to change it by changing what you put out there"

Remain blessed and highly favoured y'all.


Sunday, 15 August 2010

Innocence stolen and miracles

*Long post alert* 

A really good friend of mine rang me over the weekend to tell me what's been going on in her life, and i've been so crushed! I'll call her anike for the purposes of this post. She's from Pakistan and we graduated together. She got married last month to a guy her parents had picked out for her. It wasn't a typical arranged marriage thingy in that she also consented to marrying the guy, and they've been talking since October last year, so she grew to like him, and was actually looking forward to being with him, she was so excited.The few occassions that I heard from her after her wedding, I confided in a mutual friend that I was worried about her, and thought she sounded odd, but each time I brushed it off as stress post med-school and new wedding ish. I sent her a number of texts checking up on her and to let her know that I was worried about her, so she should please stay in touch. You see, anike is such a bubbly, happy-go-lucky 25 year old, it's not difficult to know when something's bothering her.
That's how she rang me over the weekend to confess to me what's been happening with and to her. Basically, she's seperated from her husband of 6 weeks! Yes, you heard me! Moved out and ish! As in, my head is still spinning! I can't understand what happened, neither can she, maybe you can help out.

The wahala started on their honeymoon in Malaysia o. Anike shared with the mr that she was thinking of sending her sister around 20quid a month (her sister's just finished GCSEs, kinda equivalent to WAEC level) just to help out since she starts earning money from end of august.The mr said cool, sounded like a good idea. That's how when he rang his parents *yes, you heard me right! Rang his parents on their honeymoon and not just once, 3 times daily for the entire period!* he told his mumc*heaven knows why* na so the woman come spark! She was like ehn ehn, so anike came into their family so that she can spend all her son's money on herself and the family abi? that no, she can't give her sister money (from her own wages o by the way!) she won't permit it.That infact she doesn't trust anike again, say which kain wife them marry sef? Na im the mister come change im mind, yarn anike say she no fit give her sister money. My friend was like, shuo! didn't we already discuss this and you said it was a good idea? Why is your mother's opinion law here? that anyway, she'd heard.

That's how they got back home and the atmosphere had changed *she was living with the husband and his parents in the same house, apparently that's the culture. don't even get me started on culture, that's a whole different post!*. The MIL said to her that they don't trust her anymore that they were going to make her life difficult. Yes she actually said that to her! She was there, being the 'perfect wife' thinking that things will cool down soon. As in she woke up at the crack of dawn, made his lunch, had breakfast with him, ironed his clothes etc, saw him off to work *he's a dr too* and all. Daily she'd go to the kitchen to cook or help the MIL cook, daily she'd get shoo-ed out of the kitchen. Next thing she hears, the husband's like 'my mum says you're being lazy you dont cook!' After getting over the shock, she was like, your mum doesn't let me! Of course he didn't believe her! She suggested once that she and the mr go out to dinner, his response? 'i can't i dont trust you!' chineke! you trust her to sleep with her but to have dinner na matter of trust?

As in things got so bad she was actually thinking of harming herself! Imagine, poor thing! In a different city, away from her family and friends and being so mistreated. The last straw came when it was graduation time, the husband's family called her's and said they weren't going. Anike's parent were like why? They replied 'your daughter cannot be trusted, we're not going to travel down to brighton for her graduation!' ahn ahn, all of a sudden it's 'your daughter'. That's when they found out that they had called pakistan and told all the families that anike was a bad wife, she was lazy, spoilt and had come to spend all their son's money on her own family! chineke! Me i was like na wa o, does the son's wages go straight to the mother's account abi which one is her own?! To keep the peace, anike's parents were like, okay, how do we resolve this? Their answer: 'keep your daughter at home!' My goodness, i couldn't believe what i was hearing! Anyway, the husband went with her to the graduation, and in hindsight i can see now that they weren't comfortable together at all! kmt! So anike's parents travelled up to leicester from cardiff thinking things could be resolved (such a non-issue in my opinion!) the husband's father was like, 'your daughter came here with bad intentions, to steal from us, she's a bad spoilt girl'. heaven help me! all this because she wanted to give her sister money? from her own pocket o! That's how her parents vexed and said, we can't believe you guys have been treating anike like this, it's not like she doesnt have a family who love her or a home where she comes from, it's not like she's poor or doesnt have a job of her own. They basically said they weren't going to stand for it anymore. The FIL was like 'fine, take your daughter' *dead!*

All this time, the husband sat there o, mute! Anike spoke directly to husband and basically said to him that how can he sit there and watch his wife being accused of things he KNOWS she did not do? That he should remember that his parents are married and his silence is the reason why his wife is leaving and his marriage is ending, because he has no balls to speak up! Still, brother man had nothing to say! The bit that made my head hot was that HE HELPED HER PACK! and they called the cops to make sure nothing was taken! IMAGINE! HE HELPED HIS WIFE PACK OUT OF THE HOUSE?! My God i cannot believe it! The last straw was when he took her rings back. He TOOK THE WEDDING RINGS BACK! My goodness, i'm getting angry all over again! what kind of man is that?! He was now like 'what do i do with them now?' she looked at him and told him to give it to the next unfortunate woman.

That's how my friend moved out, 6 weeks after the wedding! Plix, if you guys can find the issue in this story help me point it out o! I made her repeat the story countless times thinking surely there has to be more to it than this! Alas no! I'm not even gonna curse the parents in law, it's the spineless, backbone-less man that can watch his parents drive his wife away that galls me! I'm so angry! I'm angry because he took her innocence! At 25, he was the first person she allowed her self like. Her first kiss, the man who took her virginity, only to discard her like trash! It pains me so much, my spirit is so hurt, she was such a pure, blameless girl i can stake my life on that! only to be discarded like that. He's taken something so precious from her that she can never ever get back and it's hurts me so much! I'm in tears just writing this again. The damage he has done, i don't even know how it's going to be undone *bawling*. As in, where does she start? this poor girl driving her self crazy wondering what she did wrong? Imagine the blow to her soul? I'm fixing to curse him and his family with sopono^, sango and yemoja^ together! Thank God i'm christian, heads for don roll and i'm not actually joking!

The challenge now is how do i be a good friend to her? She's had to move in to hospital accomodation now. In a city where she knows no-where and no one o! All because of this bastard of a boy! I don't even know what to do, short of checking up on her frequently by phone cuz we are in different cities and our rotas are so disparate! I don't know how to even begin to love her. Please any suggestions are so welcome! I'm desperate.

I mentioned miracles: I heard the greatest testimony in church today, man, God is in the business of miracles o, make no body talk otherwise! The church i attend currently rent one of the vue cinema screens at the local mall every sunday for the morning. The church has outgrown the place sef, people spilling over. The pastor shared this testimony this morning, he said he refused to share bad news, so he waited for God to solve it before sharing. Hmm, God is alive, kicking and in the business of looking after His own o! If you have issues, just call on Him now. In fact, stop reading and say a prayer NOW! If you have any doubt, just read my previous post titled 'God is good - always'.

Anyway, on tuesday last week he got a letter from the cinema management saying that they've given the church until the end of the month to vacate the premises, that they've decided that they are not going to rent the place to the church anymore. My people, just like that o, OUT OF THE BLUE! Immediately the devil started, you know how he does now, started tormenting him with, where are you going to take over 300 parishoners? You are done for, yada yada yada. What did the pastor and his wife do? Mehn, they did a Nehemiah immediately o! Took the letter to God and told God that the letter was written to Him o, and that the devil has issued a challenge to God o, so please can He step in? This was on a tuesday morning o. In between when this happened and friday, na prayers o!

Guys the valley between making the request and seeing the result manifest in the physical realm is where the challenge is! That where the devil tries to steal your answered prayer through doubt, double mindedness, fear, that's when he'd remind you of some prayer that went unanswered for somebody else! The challenge is in this in between time, what we must do is keep professing, calling the things that be not as though they are! This is when we must remove doubt and keep pressing on in the scriptures in faith. Anyway, the pastor his wife pressed on in prayer o, believing that God will do what he said He will - surely He won't abandon His children, He'd no doubt provide His children with a place to worship!

Come friday morning, they receive a key in the post! A key for a building they've been wanting to buy and have been believing in faith for for MONTHS! As in, no be rent, leasehold, mortgage o, na freehold! As in payed for! Belonged to the church o! You shoulda seen how the church went crazy this morning when he relayed the testimony. I'm sure i'm not the only one who had tears in my eyes mehn! The entire congregation broke out in spontaneous praise to God! You can tell when a song bursts forth from deep within you, as in there was such a genuine shout of praise and thanksgiving to God this morning, it was amazing to be a part of!Mehn, make nobody yarn you say God no dey o, I'm a living witness to that, time and time again! He is in the business of solving problems o, all you need do is ask! Don't let the devil tell you otherwise, what does he know?!

I was gonna write about me and the ex boyfriend today, but i've written so much, this post is becomming a dissertation :) will share that another time. And yes, i know the contraception post is still pending, there's just so much to write about! hehe..

I'ma stop here, cheers for reading so much. Remember the authority to shape your life lies squarely in your hands and your tongue. Take charge and don't permit someone else make a meal of your destiny.

^Sopana: measles. Sango: god of iron with a fierce tender. Yemoja: spirit woman of the waters

Sunday, 8 August 2010

First few days..and more

My goodness, it's been a loooonnggg week! It really has, I was clapped out all day saturday, and i only worked three days! lol..heaven help me, who said being a medic was a walk in the park? hehe..It's been fun though, i've thoroughly enjoyed every day so far. Thankfully I started on a really quiet week so i've had time to ease in and learn the ropes, and I have the most amazing team to work with thank God. Nothing worse than working with people who don't understand the concept of team work! The 'holiday's' over though, my firm's on call everyday for the next two weeks, so i'm gearing myself up for some proper back breaking work now. That being said, i'm looking forward to it though. The initial trepidation has passed, i'm no longer afraid to sign my name to the prescription of morphine! lol *no be me person go drag to court revoke license abeg, i've been triple checking and even calling the pharmacist sef, he already knows my name poor guy* LOL

I've been so thankful to God this past week, ever since the breakthrough He orchestrated so I could resume work on time *see a couple of posts back* I've been so aware and so grateful of every 'little' thing in my life. In fact, I haven't asked for anything, just been thanking God! Walahi, He's a faithful God. I've been church hopping, since I moved to this city. I miss my old church in Brighton! I was so settled there and I was learning and growing - the two most important criteria in joing a church in my opinion. I went online and found a redeemed near where i live. Now, i'm not a 'redeemer' and have never been to a branch in my life, so i was quite skeptical about it *lol* and raised an eyebrow when i saw that the branch is called 'everlasting Father's assembly' LOOOLL..i'm really sorry, i don't know why i find that funny, it cracks me up ALL the time *no offence to people who attend redeemed please, make una no crucify me* that i was distracted by the pastor and some other guy's H-factor is enough to make me hang my head in shame LOL!

Anyhoo, i decided to check it out last sunday and i absolutely HATED it! As in, i wasn't buying at all! First off I didnt' realise that it was their thanksgiving sunday so i turned up at 11:40 for the 11:45 second service only to realise that the service that day started at 10:00am! Being the stickler for time that i am *yes, not every Nigerian subscribes to African time* i was already upset, but that's not what bothered me. It was the fact that for the remaining two hours that i sat there, there was no teaching! As in, nothing learned! All the pastor did was a 20minute talk on the 'weapons of divine authority' and that we should use them. How?When?Why?Where? Brother man no gree explain, so naturally i was vexed and wrote the place off. I told a friend of mine who attends redeem in lag, and he explained that there's usually no teaching on thanksgiving sunday *i'm still giving that the side eye*

So i thought, it'd only be fair to give it one more chance before i write it off completely. Na so i carry myself go there again this sunday. *that it's a 20min walk from mine makes it more appealing as i don't know anywhere in this city yet* I must say, it was better today. Once again, i got there in time for the second service *i don't like waking up early on a sunday if i have an alternative! It's the last time for another 6 days to have a lie in. My mum used to vex me in naij when we had to wake up at 5.30 to go to church!when there was an 11 am service! that's how we'll get home at 9 having slept through the service only to go back to bed, as in what was the point? kmt* Anyway, got there at 11.30am, ahn ahn, am i late or first service never finish? First service ends in sunday school apparently *side eye* and it overran until 12:15! That's how the second service was cut short to only 30mins o! Chei, naija and time keeping! I must say the visiting pastor did a wonderful job of cutting his sermon short to ten minutes. Yes, ten minutes! of course there still had to be singing lol.

The sermon appeased my unimpressed spirit..he taught on taming the tongue and how we have to remember that whatever we say/profess has ramifications in the spiritual realm and that our words are seeds, so we must be mindful. Power of life and death are in the tongue. It's always good to be reminded of lessons such as these.

So will i go again? Yes, i think i will actually. There are always alternatives if i realise later that it's not a place where i can learn and grow. I'm attracted by the fact that it's a Nigerian community and seems nice, i would like to be in a community i think. I've lived a very solitary life in the past 7 and a half years i've been here, i think i'm ready to make friends outside of med school/hospital. Although, a large congregation of black/naija people frighten me! I've been out of it for so long, i get so intimidated! lol, i don't know how to behave around naijas, i swear, i'm not kidding. So i just slink in and out..lol, i need deliverance!

My mum's still around, there has never been a greater test of my patience than this present time! lol..today, she was like, 'goodness, o o ti e fe ki anybody help e rara! = you don't want any help at all do you?!' i was like ..i've had no help since i went to boarding school at 9 and left the country at 15, it's a bit to late now!' Perhaps that was a little harsh, recounting that now *oh dear* i just don't like people in my space, in my face, wanting conversation after a long day's work, humming all the time getting on my nerves..and most certainly not for 2 months at a stretch! LOL..i repeat, i need deliverance please pray for me, i smell selfishness around!

I was gonna talk about something else, i've forgotten now. Oh well, hope you all had a lovely weekend, have a wonderful week ahead and remember; your life is what YOU make it, don't give anyone else the power to ruin it, and sow postive words afterall, of what use is negativity?

Enitan xx

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

God is good - ALWAYS!

God is always ON TIME! Not a minute early, never a minute late! *singing and dancing out of ridiculous joy!* A couple of post earlier, i mentioned how i was getting grief from my employing hospital about my visa. Basically they wanted a letter from immigration to confirm that i could work on my visa - which i can, to which immigration maintained that they weren't going to even though the can verbally confirm that i can work. So, my employing hospital dug their heels in and refused to let me take up my training post.

Fast forward to monday, no change. Now i was desperate. Induction was today morning and work starts tomorrow morning at 8.00am. All throughout the weekend, i'd prayed for favour from God, that his favour go before to everyone involved in this case, that he cause my employer to favour me and that i should be able to start work on wednesday morning. This was the ultimate test of my faith! I found scriptures on God rebuking the devourer on my behalf and based my faith on that all weekend and today.

I was so highly strung today. As nothing had been sorted, i was told not to go for  my induction, but i did. I still went in faith- picked up my ID badge, my log-in details, rota and all other admin stuff. Found the out going house officers, sorted out bleeps (pagers) and wards and stuff. 3.00pm came, i still had heard nothing from the BMA or H.R. Now i was anxious! I sat quietly crying to God, reminding Him of His promises to me and thanking Him for sorting it out. Faith i tell you is a powerful tool! In the morning while i was getting dressed, i listened to a message by creflo dollar about how thanksgiving is a weapon in the hands of the believer that releases answers quicker to out physical door and that mumuring and complaining are answer stealers. So i waited in the corridor, anxious, praying and thanking God..3.30pm came..It was time to obey the voice of God and go speak to the human resources manager. I'd been putting it off like, "i've already spoken to her several times on the phone, what's left to say?" To which God replied, "you have to do your part for me to do mine". I was like "but what am i going to say?" He reminded me that He promised to put words in my mouth to speak.

That's how i carried myself to the medical staffing, stepped into the building and was instantly confused, didn't know where i was going! A lady walks up to me and said "can i help you? where do you need to be?" To which i replied "i'm looking for medical staffing actually, I need to see the head of H.R". What comes out of her mouth? "that would be me! i'm actually on my way to lunch but i can see you ". I actually found that funny! LOL.. God HAS a sense of humour, let no one say otherwise! And if i had been disobedient and not gone at that time, she'd have gone to lunch, i'd have missed her and what happened next would not have happened!

So we get to her office and i re-hash the story, she also re-hashes why they still stand on their refusal to hire me until they get this letter from the home office. I think she saw the distress on my face *don't forget God's favour was on me too* and she said to me "this must be so distressing for you, i'm sorry. I know you've spent all this years in med school and it must be pure torture for you to be told you can't work now". I politely thanked her for her time and as i was leaving, she said "i've already called them once, but i promise i'll try once more today for you". I thanked her, said she was very kind and left and didn't think much of that promise.

I was ready to give up, but deep in my spirit, i kept hearing "the day is not over yet Enitan, the day is not over yet". Anyway, i get home so grouchy and anxious, took it out on my mum *she'd made ofada rice too!* and went straight to my room. The BMA called me to update me, they'd sent urgent faxes and made phone calls to the UKBA and still nothing, but that they'd scheduled a conference call on thursday so hopefully something good would come out of that. My heart sank even further, i thought thursday? I'm supposed to start work tomorrow!

Round about 4.30pm my phone rings it's the HR lady. She sounded so excited, in my mind i was like shuo? The following conversation ensued:

H.R lady: Dr Enitan, are you still around?
Me: No, but i'm only ten minutes away, do you need to see me?
H.R lady: well, not really but can you talk?
Me: Yes
H.R lady: I rang immigration again like i said i would, and good news! They've said we can employ you and they've sent documentation that'll help us in our legal standing if we get asked. I double checked with the employer union and they've given the all clear!
Me: Errm, i hear what you're saying, but i'm having great difficulty believing you right now! Are you saying i'm employed and i can come to work tomorrow?
H.R lady: Yes Dr, you can come to work! Report to your ward at 8.00am please. I'm sending an email to the rota co-ordinator and the head of the foundation school right now! 
Me: wow! thank you, thank you so much! I don't know what to say!
H.R lady: lol.. that's fine, i'm glad it's all sorted for you!

As in! I hung up and stood in shock for a few moments! I found my mum and told her everything! Up until this point, i couldn't bring myself to tell her all that was going on. That she was amazed is an understatement. I told a handful of my friends that knew about it too and rang the BMA to update them. *they're still going to follow it up to prevent this from happening to someone else*

It's a no brainer that God fixed this for me. I mean how did they miracoulously hire me with documents and this almighty letter was no longer necessary? I can't stop thanking God for his favour and love. He delivered me from the mouth of the enemy at the NICK OF TIME! I mean the devil was already asking me how i'm going to pay my rent, and tax and bills etc since i couldn't go to work?

*more dancing for joy!* God is good, His methods of teaching and discipline are not pleasant while it lasts, but in the end it yield good fruits. In this case, fruits of patience and absolute trust in Him - there i was depending on the BMA and Ukfpo to sort me out, when i should have made Him my only source not my other Source! God, i'm so thankful and grateful!

So folks, that's how my day went! I'm officially employed Dr Enitan, resuming at 8.00am to look after patients in upper GI surgery for the next four months. Glory be to God! *gulps..a little bit petrified, but a lot excited!*

*Once again, my post on contraception has been put on the back burner, i shall do it. Leave any questions you want me to answer in the comment box and i'll reply to them all when i do the post on contraception*

Saturday, 31 July 2010

Africa, my Africa

This is one of my favourite poems. I came across it again today and it brought back memories. Memories of learning it and not quite understanding it. The author's David Diop. Enjoy!

*p.s i know i said my next post will be on contraception, but i just had to share this first :)*

Africa, my Africa
Africa of proud warriors in ancestral savannahs
Africa of whom my grandmother sings
On the banks of the distant river
I have never known you
But your blood flows in my veins
Your beautiful black blood that irrigates the fields
The blood of your sweat
The sweat of your work
The work of your slavery
The slavery of your children

Africa, tell me Africa
Is this you, this back that is bent
This back that breaks
Under the weight of humiliation
This back trembling with red scars
And saying yes to the whip under the midday sun
But a grave voice answers me
Impetuous child that tree, young and strong
That tree over there
Splendidly alone amidst white and faded flowers
That is Africa your Africa springing up anew
Springing up patiently, obstinately
Whose fruit bit by bit acquires
The bitter taste of liberty.

Friday, 30 July 2010

Graduation, life and fuckwits!

*Grooaannnn* I'm desperately in need of a long hot soak and a long massage after that! Oh my days! *more groaning*...........

It's been a long 48 hours; graduation, travel, and retarded fuckwits *yes i said it!* Rant alert later

Graduation was great! It was amazing and i would never have been able to get through it without my amazing, wonderful friend her royal poshness. Graduation was early morning, and she arrived jetlagged straight from NYC to take photos, keep my demanding family at bay whilst maintaining a smile on my face all day..and best of all she came bearing my favourite flowers! Aren't they gorgeous!
lillies for moi!
£140 pounds, (Grad in brighton's expensive! tickets, gown and hat are ALL paid for) 2 hours sleep and impending family induced migraine later, grad started at 8.15am. I was so suprised i was excited, seeing as i was so blah about it the night before. Gown worn, mortar board donned and picture taken the family arrived..then the extended family my mother invited against my will arrived! you know those kind that proclaim they 'love' you but turn their backs on you when you're in need, only to turn up and celebrate with 'their' sister! eish! Thank God, all was fine. I was sooo nervous backstage! Last time i was that nervous was at my medical finals OSCE! So scared i was gonna fall on the red carpet hehe..but all went well. *i know it looks orange, trust me it was bright red*

Moi in my woodin dress and bright yellow heels
Jollof rice, wings, champangne, prayers and jokes later it was time for the swearing of the oath ceremony and a hour and a half after wards, everyone was on their way home. It was a lovely day, i'm glad i was able to graduate 5 years later *moment of silence for those who couldn't make it*.

And that was the end of Brighton. 71/2 years in b'ton murdered by a ridiculously tiring 6hr train journey and here i am in Leeds! I'm really going to miss Brighton, it's been my second home since i left Naij. *Interesting fact: i've never lived in a city without a body of water , Brighton's by the sea side, so this is going to be an experience and a half!* Oh well, Leeds it is.
*note to peeps in leeds: don't fall ill in august y'all! lol *

The fuckwits at my employing hospital have been testing my patience! I was actually visibly shaking with anger and worry today! My first panic attack *comming on the heels of my dreaming that i worsened a hospital fire!* It's all immigration ish, these people are so bloody closet racist it's not even funny! Basically, the immigration rules changed last year, and because i got my visa 5 years ago, it doesn't bother me, i'm good to start work on my current visa and just renew it before it expires. The ukfpo and the homeoffice agree with me, but HR disagree. They've been harrasing me for months for a letter from the homeoffice that says i can do this. Homeoffice have been disagreeing for months, saying because my visa is so old, they're not gonna issue one. I should just tell boss lady it's fine for me to work. Boss lady says no. here's an excerpt:

Me: Okay, so let me get this straight. You want me to produce a letter from the homeoffice saying that i can work on my visa even though you've seen the guidelines
Boss lady: yes
Me: you agree with me that the guidelines say i can work?
Boss lady: yes
Me: you agree with me that the home office refuses to write you a letter because they don't issue letters on old visas
Boss lady: yes
Me: so where am i supposed to get this letter from then?
Boss lady: that's not my problem. Just know that you can't resume work on wednesday without the letter or a new visa
Me: i cannot get a new visa cuz my current one hasn't expired and i can work on it legally
Boss lady: not my problem

That's where i got mad! not your problem eh? So i ring up the ukba, get a number that she can ring on to verify what i told her, rang the manager of the foundation school and the head of HR (annoyingly both weren't at work today) AND rang the bma legal dept! Not your problem eh? Watch ur ass fry in court! Yes, i was that mad! So boss lady rings up immigration (after i called her 4 hours later to do it! I should have just gone to her office and sat on her neck..my mistake) and calls me back like

'Dr Enitan, so the homeoffice seems to think that you can work on your visa (was she deaf the last 2 months i've been tellin her that?), but unfortunately your file was in my managers office so i couldn't give him the details'
Me: well do you want them now? I can give them to you right now
Boss lady: no, it's okay i'll do it first thing monday morning
Me: alright fine. If your manager's late on monday morning, i'll be at your office at 9am with the details 
Boss lady: not to worry, i'll pencil it in my diary. i'll do it first thing on monday morning

But of course i'm worried! I'm trying my best to not be anxious. I can't fathom the idea of comming this far and then being denied starting work because some body somewhere is power drunk! It's been such a rough day, i'm just praying constantly, that God sees me through this and monday comes and i'm all clear to work. Please pray for me, heaven knows i can't afford to forfeit my job or a year because of this woman!

On a completely unrelated side, i've been getting A LOT of messages from ladies back home, crying that they think they may be pregnant and what can they do! I know for a fact that contraception ..of all kinds..are freely available, so what's the problem? Are people just so careless? stupid? Ignorant? Or all of the above! One lady asked me if she can get pregnant if she has sex while on her period! Eish..My next post will be on contraception..so i'll be glad to render my services and answer ANY question you may have

And my mum's comming to bunk with me for months tomorrow! *sigh* but that's story for another day. I've written enough for one blog!

*Groan...i need a hot soak and a massage!*

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Class of 2010

arrgghh, i'm sooo excited! Got home a little while ago from my graduation ball; i had such a wonderful time! It was a blast! Which is really ironic since i was reluctant to go, babes had to drag herself there seeing as £50 had already been paid! tee hehe..

In all seriousness though, i'm soooo glad i went. You know the ubiquitous quote 'you don't miss your water till the well runs dry' is so true. I didn't realise i'd missed everyone so much until I saw them again. Really, the last time we were together was in 4th year med school because in fifth year, we're all posted to seperate regions. So it was well worth it, especially as graduation is in two days, and what with family around, we really won't have time for proper goodbyes.

Pictures were taken, food was eaten, wine was drunk, hatchets were buried *i'll blog about this later* and we danced the rest of the night away! The DJ was on point! Such a good night! It was even more special as the dean and a few lovely consultants were there too. I got a chance to speak to my consultant tutor and really thank her in private for all her help and support through med school. I got a picture too! *squeals* I honestly believe, and i told her this, that i wouldn't be graduating on wednesday if not for her. I strongly believe that people ought to be told that they are appreciated and loved whilst they are still here, no use saying it when they're dead! We must strive to live a life of no regrets!

It's still difficult to believe that this is it! We're never going to have the present relationships we have with each other now again, especially as we're all working in different hospital trusts. It's still difficult to believe it's Dr Enitan and friends now. It's still difficult to believe that this is it! I'm so relieved and above all, so grateful!

It's graduation on wednesday, i say that and heave a sigh of trepidation! Nigerian family and graduations don't go together, well not mine anyway. I'm sure i'll have lots to tell *oh dear!*

It's been a long five/six years, but we made it through! I'll truly miss the graduating class of 2010 *sniff sniff*

Enitan x

Monday, 26 July 2010

I'm here...finally!

I'm well excited, finally created a blog! woohoo!! I've been stalking so many fantastic blogs for so many months now, dare i say a year or two, and i've thoroughly enjoyed it! I've toyed with the idea of creating my own blog for a while, but i've been so busy becomming a medic, but i figured that now that i'm done and starting a new chapter in my life aka work hehe, very soon, what better time than now?

I'd do my best to be disciplined and not let blogging slide *places flat of hand on left side of chest* so help me God (brings back memories of reciting the Nigerian pledge everyday on assembly! I can still recite it in my sleep!)

Anyhoo, i'm well excited! and shall be back soon.