Am I or am I not over the ex? That's the question. I oscillate between a yes and a no..wtf is wrong with me? Afterall we broke up in January - no, scratch that..afterall, I broke up with him in January. Yes as in 12 months ago January *sigh* because I gave up on us. I gave up on the year old long distance thing we had going on and broke his heart, and mine, in a thousand and ten tiny little pieces
It's been a bit touch and go since then, clipped conversations, safe emails and text messages, long stretches of silence and resurfacing like nothing happened - all year. I thought I was fine - even had my little 48hr christmas affair (which his memory managed to ruin btw). I though i was fine he sent me a message today and i wondered why i could finally admit to myself that i missed him with tears stinging my eyes - they didn't fall though! Just stung. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.
When I find myself going round the same old shit and asking if just maybe we're meant to be - when i don't even believe in that, i start to get pissed off jare! It's enough jor, 12 months later, i shouldn't be going through this shit. mscheww..
In other news, I've thoroughly enjoyed the christmas break (which ends today #sob). I can honestly say hand on heart that I haven't had such a good christmas in all of my life - honestly! Christmas party at a new friend's was a.w.e.s.o.m.e. such good fun. boxing day was just as awesome, i made sweet love to my bed..hehe and then had friend's over on the 27th! take out, laughs, good movies...fantastic times! The last few days have made up for the past 11 months in all honesty. They say friends are the family we choose :)
Right, off to enjoy the rest of the holiday before reality comes crashing down in the morning.
Happy holidays!
Enitan
xx
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Sunday, 19 December 2010
A christmas affair
I want to have an affair. Yes, i do. Okay, mayhaps (i know that's not a word) affair's the wrong word. I should say a fling. An affair gives the impression that i'm in a relationship of some kind. I'm not, i'm very single. I'm pretty certain the object of my intentions wants a fling too. Yep, most certainly not a relationship.
I finally admit to myself that i'm even thinking about it. There's no other reason for entertaining and encouraging continous bbm messages and conversations bursting at the seams with innuendos. Gosh, my friends would have a coronary if i said this out loud *hehe*
It's weird and interesting at the same time, certainly a new revelation of myself. I guess i'm enjoying the recent male attention a little too much, it's been a while. Heck, it's been a whiiilleee! :D I mean, i'm pretty certain brother man's not looking for anything deep (i stopped worrying about 'leading him on' after i realised) neither am i to be very honest. But he's cute and interesting and i'm enjoying being flirted with.
I stopped the guilt tripping and decided to ride this out and see how it turns out. It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday period already :D
I'll keep you dearest blog posted.
I hope everyone's gearing up to have a wonderful holiday and no one's gonna be alone for the christmas/new year period.
Merry christmas!
Enitan
xx
I finally admit to myself that i'm even thinking about it. There's no other reason for entertaining and encouraging continous bbm messages and conversations bursting at the seams with innuendos. Gosh, my friends would have a coronary if i said this out loud *hehe*
It's weird and interesting at the same time, certainly a new revelation of myself. I guess i'm enjoying the recent male attention a little too much, it's been a while. Heck, it's been a whiiilleee! :D I mean, i'm pretty certain brother man's not looking for anything deep (i stopped worrying about 'leading him on' after i realised) neither am i to be very honest. But he's cute and interesting and i'm enjoying being flirted with.
I stopped the guilt tripping and decided to ride this out and see how it turns out. It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday period already :D
I'll keep you dearest blog posted.
I hope everyone's gearing up to have a wonderful holiday and no one's gonna be alone for the christmas/new year period.
Merry christmas!
Enitan
xx
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Confused dot com
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| image from http://evilcowtowninc.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/confused.jpg |
I've come to the realisation, and i'm willing to admit that i do not have a clue what i'm doing with my life or where i'm going. Sure, sure, I'm a doctor now, i always wanted to be a doctor. Then adulthood set in, and along with it came disillusionment. I know what my one overarching dream/vision is but i don't know how to get there. I know what step to take, hell, i don't even know how to lift a foot.
I confess to being under some degree of stress recently. I aknowledge the feelings of loneliness that creep up on me from time to time. I was shocked to catch myself wishing for a family or friends to be around. Sheesh, tired of spending holidays by myself all the time jare. I say that like i'm not working through the holidays this season. Truth be told, i don't remember the last time i was truly, freely happy. I don't remember the last time i laughed from my stomach, the last time a smile reached my eyes.
That's besides the point. The point is that I can't answer the 'what the hell am i doing with my life?' question and that bothers me. I refuse to let my life pass me by but i don't know what to do about it. I'm not scared to do what i need to do, i just don't know what it is i need to do!
I do know at the very moment that i need to go take a shower and take out the trash. Now that i can do. But then what?
Any shrinks out in blogsville willing to help a sister out?
Monday, 15 November 2010
comming up for air
My sleep-wake cycle is royally messed up, no thanks to my recent week of nights! I was dead tired at 5.00pm, had a long nap and now i'm wide awake at half 2 in the morning! I'm so mad at that, i hate it! I need to correct it, but i soo hate forcing myself to sleep! oh well..
Eeek, I had a nightmare last night, yes, nightmare! I dreamt that I married some random high school friend after 2 weeks of dating! O_O !! Not least because i don't even like said random high school friend because he's so..so..whiny! He moans about everything on facebook and bbm! sheesh.. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the nightmare! The wedding was awful, it was small and I looked like a trick! O_O! Now, i'm all for small weddings but getting married to some random not-liked-guy in a wedding with only friends and no family! AND to top it all off, i was in a stupid stupid knee-length halter white dress! O.M.G!! WTF?? The nightmare didn't end there! The camera broke whilst taking pictures and in the nightmare i couldn't remember how the said husband even proposed, neither could he! Eeeeekkkk!! And then *oh yeah! there's more!* I called my ex and said i just wanted him to know i got married before he found out through press, and then he went mute! What the hell right? *le sigh*
You can see why i called this a nightmare right? I mean, imagine all that! I overslept because of the n'mare and got to church late as well! I prayed against that ish real quick! Tufiakwa! Oloun ma je!
Aiiiiiiii! Man life's going by sha. A friend called me to rant about how i've ignored him and not called. I wish people could understand that my life is literally wake-work-sleep and do it all over again. When i'm not working i'm too tired to care, you should see my apartment! But I know that I ought to make an effort, i know that. Even the thought of that makes me tired! I do though, i don't want to wake up one day and find myself all alone.
I received a couple of dreams this past week, and I'm praying for favour to do them. Now, i'm not a career person, I'm not a competetive person at all and doing things to boost cv and all that ish is not for me. But I've always said I want to go back home and clearly, i'm going to need to learn some relevant medicine for that part of the world, you know, self improvement and all that. I understandably know nothing about malaria and the likes, so i'm protecting and working towards doing a diploma in tropical medicine. I'm not going to be able to do it until autmn 2012 because it's a full time course and there are only 2 schools in England who offer the course - london and liverpool and only 70 places in each school! Competetion much? LOL..I'm going to a fair on wednesday in manchester, i believe the london school will be there to get some more information about best time to apply and all that. What i can do in the mean time is start saving! My designer bags are going to have to wait lol...i kid!
The other one is to complete both parts of my membership exams prior to that. Heaven knows why membership exams are so costly! I best get my read on and behave myself. Favour is one thing, putting in the work is another.
I had much more to write about, but I best make myself sleep, it's 3am now. Got a bit of shopping to do in the morning and reading. I've promised myself some leisurely reading this week i've got off. Last time i read a book was before graduation! And i actually enjoy reading..I've got a couple of yoruba books I was so excited to recieve in the summer to better my spoken and written language, i've only managed to get through a couple of chapters!
Glad Sting's back writing, her post on heart break is hilarious! LOL..and oyin handmade hair products in the UK? Score! Natural hair maintenance just got easier! hehe...
Right, i'm off to bed, have a good week everyone.
Enitan
xx
Eeek, I had a nightmare last night, yes, nightmare! I dreamt that I married some random high school friend after 2 weeks of dating! O_O !! Not least because i don't even like said random high school friend because he's so..so..whiny! He moans about everything on facebook and bbm! sheesh.. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the nightmare! The wedding was awful, it was small and I looked like a trick! O_O! Now, i'm all for small weddings but getting married to some random not-liked-guy in a wedding with only friends and no family! AND to top it all off, i was in a stupid stupid knee-length halter white dress! O.M.G!! WTF?? The nightmare didn't end there! The camera broke whilst taking pictures and in the nightmare i couldn't remember how the said husband even proposed, neither could he! Eeeeekkkk!! And then *oh yeah! there's more!* I called my ex and said i just wanted him to know i got married before he found out through press, and then he went mute! What the hell right? *le sigh*
You can see why i called this a nightmare right? I mean, imagine all that! I overslept because of the n'mare and got to church late as well! I prayed against that ish real quick! Tufiakwa! Oloun ma je!
Aiiiiiiii! Man life's going by sha. A friend called me to rant about how i've ignored him and not called. I wish people could understand that my life is literally wake-work-sleep and do it all over again. When i'm not working i'm too tired to care, you should see my apartment! But I know that I ought to make an effort, i know that. Even the thought of that makes me tired! I do though, i don't want to wake up one day and find myself all alone.
I received a couple of dreams this past week, and I'm praying for favour to do them. Now, i'm not a career person, I'm not a competetive person at all and doing things to boost cv and all that ish is not for me. But I've always said I want to go back home and clearly, i'm going to need to learn some relevant medicine for that part of the world, you know, self improvement and all that. I understandably know nothing about malaria and the likes, so i'm protecting and working towards doing a diploma in tropical medicine. I'm not going to be able to do it until autmn 2012 because it's a full time course and there are only 2 schools in England who offer the course - london and liverpool and only 70 places in each school! Competetion much? LOL..I'm going to a fair on wednesday in manchester, i believe the london school will be there to get some more information about best time to apply and all that. What i can do in the mean time is start saving! My designer bags are going to have to wait lol...i kid!
The other one is to complete both parts of my membership exams prior to that. Heaven knows why membership exams are so costly! I best get my read on and behave myself. Favour is one thing, putting in the work is another.
I had much more to write about, but I best make myself sleep, it's 3am now. Got a bit of shopping to do in the morning and reading. I've promised myself some leisurely reading this week i've got off. Last time i read a book was before graduation! And i actually enjoy reading..I've got a couple of yoruba books I was so excited to recieve in the summer to better my spoken and written language, i've only managed to get through a couple of chapters!
Glad Sting's back writing, her post on heart break is hilarious! LOL..and oyin handmade hair products in the UK? Score! Natural hair maintenance just got easier! hehe...
Right, i'm off to bed, have a good week everyone.
Enitan
xx
Monday, 1 November 2010
Emotionally tired
It's the end of the weekend, I ought to be well rested and ready to have a go at the new week. Yet I'm tired, exhausted actually. I've come to realise it's an emotional/psychological tiredness as opposed to a physical one.
I had a pretty roller-coaster saturday which has spilled over into my sunday. I recently sent off an application to renew my visa via post because i'd already been to the home office and failed, i refused to go through that a second time *I promsie to write about it when it's all done* I received a letter on saturday morning instructing that i go submit my biometrics within the next 15days from the date the letter was written (which was already 3 days before i received it) otherwise my application would be invalid. I wondered if these people know that regular people have jobs to go to *smh* Anyway, wild horses would have been unable to drag me to the home office in sheffield so I opted to go to the post office in durham instead, an hour and some train ride from leeds.
The post office shut at 4 and my train was scheduled to arrive durham at 2, only it didn't. We got stuck on the tracks due to a signal fault just outside the station actually, which was more frustrating, for about 45 minutes and arrived durham round about three. I was already mighty stressed by the point the train finally pulled into durham because I had only an hour to get my business sorted.
While the train was immobile on the tracks, my stress levels rocketed through the roof, and i sent up a desperate prayer to God, as in literally said 'Father i'm desperate i have to get this ish done, please move this train', barely a minute after my desperate cry we moved! Finally got to durham, no taxis at the taxi rank and i thought fantastic! Things weren't looking peachy. Waited impatiently for a cab, got to the post office only to be told to come back another day that the system had broken down and several attempts at re-booting had not helped.
That was the last straw. I broke down in tears. I had had enough. The visa steez has been dragging on for so long, I'd had a 77hr week at work and was completely exhausted, not having had anything to eat all day, the train delay, no cab and then to be told i couldn't give the fingerprints just tipped me over the edge. I cried for about a minute or two.
I acknowledged that i was stressed and fed up because i.do.not.cry. As in, in all honesty, i don't remember the last time i shed a tear, i didn't even cry at my dad's funeral for pete's sake! I guess it all just got to me. I wearily go to the atm go get money for a cab back to the station only to have this nudging to go back and ask for the post office number so i could call next saturday before travelling down there. I thought about asking the lady to please re-boot one more time, but dismissed the thought.
As soon as i walked up to the booth, the lady exclaimed 'thank goodness you came back! It's working now!' I was like shuo??! are u sure? Apparently one of the staff had gone out to look for me because i'd been so distressed to tell me it was working but didn't see me. At that point i couldn't even crack a smile, i was soo relieved, i can't begin to help you understand! So yeah, got it done, trekked back to the station and started the long journey home.
God had my back! I did not even hesitate in giving Him thanks. Twice He saved my ass in one day! I've always said that God loves me, how He always shows up just on time never ceases to amaze me!
I got home round about half 6 completely weary and then my tesco delivery came! I can't believe i've been living on practically no food just because i haven't had the time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, that was my weekend. It was supposed to be restful, i was supposed to do some reading. No such luck. So much emotional drama. I can't imagine how some people actively seek drama in their lives sha, I can't bear it. I'm not good with emotions: emotions are the devil! lol.. so fickle and yet so powerful, but i've always maintained that emotions are to be subdued. We are the boss of our 'feelings' and not the other way round..i digress
Anyway, got a chance to properly thank God with dance and song today at church. Sometimes when we watch people at church, we wonder why they are so effusive..man, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches jare!
On a random note, i'm going to join the youth fellowship in church! My friends would give me a collectiive side eye to this proclamation lol! Only because i'm one of those who relish anonymity, but i figured what other way to meet people in leeds and actually have some human company besides patients, nurses and doctors. I mean with all the time i spend working, i can't see how else i'll get to meet people and i have no intention to be all alone in this city. Anyway, fingers crossed for that.
On another random note, i've finally admitted to myself that i'm not completely over the 'crush' i blogged about earlier on. I mean the fact that i'm not okay with him bringing up his girlfriend anytime we chat on bbm just smacks of that. I can't pretend that it's not true and i can't keep brushing her aside whenever she comes up in convos - denial much? It was his birthday this friday just gone and he spent it with her, fair. I mean he'd been so down lately i was glad he finally took my advice and took the weekend off, but i can't explain what went through my heart and head when he gushed about spending the weekend with her. Yep! major R.E.A.L.I.T.Y. C.H.E.C.K! lol..and so i have made the decision to be deliberate about moving.the.fuck.on! Which sadly means imma have to cut down on the conversations, chat, thoughts etc. beacause earth to enitan: y'all are no longer buddies like that..move over! So yes, mentally i have moved jare, another one bites the dust and we keep on moving...
..................................................................................................................................................................................
Gosh, i needed to exhale. i'm off to bed now, on-call this week. I need to focus, re-group and take the week head - on. It's a new month yo, i'm expecting torrential blessings, big big things are going to happen in my life this month beginning from.. right now! It's going to be a season of rest and refreshing for me, after all the shit i've been through this past quarter, i'm looking forward to resting in God's secret place.
What are you expecting this month? Whatever it is, I wish you well. Have a great November :)
Enitan
xx
I had a pretty roller-coaster saturday which has spilled over into my sunday. I recently sent off an application to renew my visa via post because i'd already been to the home office and failed, i refused to go through that a second time *I promsie to write about it when it's all done* I received a letter on saturday morning instructing that i go submit my biometrics within the next 15days from the date the letter was written (which was already 3 days before i received it) otherwise my application would be invalid. I wondered if these people know that regular people have jobs to go to *smh* Anyway, wild horses would have been unable to drag me to the home office in sheffield so I opted to go to the post office in durham instead, an hour and some train ride from leeds.
The post office shut at 4 and my train was scheduled to arrive durham at 2, only it didn't. We got stuck on the tracks due to a signal fault just outside the station actually, which was more frustrating, for about 45 minutes and arrived durham round about three. I was already mighty stressed by the point the train finally pulled into durham because I had only an hour to get my business sorted.
While the train was immobile on the tracks, my stress levels rocketed through the roof, and i sent up a desperate prayer to God, as in literally said 'Father i'm desperate i have to get this ish done, please move this train', barely a minute after my desperate cry we moved! Finally got to durham, no taxis at the taxi rank and i thought fantastic! Things weren't looking peachy. Waited impatiently for a cab, got to the post office only to be told to come back another day that the system had broken down and several attempts at re-booting had not helped.
That was the last straw. I broke down in tears. I had had enough. The visa steez has been dragging on for so long, I'd had a 77hr week at work and was completely exhausted, not having had anything to eat all day, the train delay, no cab and then to be told i couldn't give the fingerprints just tipped me over the edge. I cried for about a minute or two.
I acknowledged that i was stressed and fed up because i.do.not.cry. As in, in all honesty, i don't remember the last time i shed a tear, i didn't even cry at my dad's funeral for pete's sake! I guess it all just got to me. I wearily go to the atm go get money for a cab back to the station only to have this nudging to go back and ask for the post office number so i could call next saturday before travelling down there. I thought about asking the lady to please re-boot one more time, but dismissed the thought.
As soon as i walked up to the booth, the lady exclaimed 'thank goodness you came back! It's working now!' I was like shuo??! are u sure? Apparently one of the staff had gone out to look for me because i'd been so distressed to tell me it was working but didn't see me. At that point i couldn't even crack a smile, i was soo relieved, i can't begin to help you understand! So yeah, got it done, trekked back to the station and started the long journey home.
God had my back! I did not even hesitate in giving Him thanks. Twice He saved my ass in one day! I've always said that God loves me, how He always shows up just on time never ceases to amaze me!
I got home round about half 6 completely weary and then my tesco delivery came! I can't believe i've been living on practically no food just because i haven't had the time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, that was my weekend. It was supposed to be restful, i was supposed to do some reading. No such luck. So much emotional drama. I can't imagine how some people actively seek drama in their lives sha, I can't bear it. I'm not good with emotions: emotions are the devil! lol.. so fickle and yet so powerful, but i've always maintained that emotions are to be subdued. We are the boss of our 'feelings' and not the other way round..i digress
Anyway, got a chance to properly thank God with dance and song today at church. Sometimes when we watch people at church, we wonder why they are so effusive..man, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches jare!
On a random note, i'm going to join the youth fellowship in church! My friends would give me a collectiive side eye to this proclamation lol! Only because i'm one of those who relish anonymity, but i figured what other way to meet people in leeds and actually have some human company besides patients, nurses and doctors. I mean with all the time i spend working, i can't see how else i'll get to meet people and i have no intention to be all alone in this city. Anyway, fingers crossed for that.
On another random note, i've finally admitted to myself that i'm not completely over the 'crush' i blogged about earlier on. I mean the fact that i'm not okay with him bringing up his girlfriend anytime we chat on bbm just smacks of that. I can't pretend that it's not true and i can't keep brushing her aside whenever she comes up in convos - denial much? It was his birthday this friday just gone and he spent it with her, fair. I mean he'd been so down lately i was glad he finally took my advice and took the weekend off, but i can't explain what went through my heart and head when he gushed about spending the weekend with her. Yep! major R.E.A.L.I.T.Y. C.H.E.C.K! lol..and so i have made the decision to be deliberate about moving.the.fuck.on! Which sadly means imma have to cut down on the conversations, chat, thoughts etc. beacause earth to enitan: y'all are no longer buddies like that..move over! So yes, mentally i have moved jare, another one bites the dust and we keep on moving...
..................................................................................................................................................................................
Gosh, i needed to exhale. i'm off to bed now, on-call this week. I need to focus, re-group and take the week head - on. It's a new month yo, i'm expecting torrential blessings, big big things are going to happen in my life this month beginning from.. right now! It's going to be a season of rest and refreshing for me, after all the shit i've been through this past quarter, i'm looking forward to resting in God's secret place.
What are you expecting this month? Whatever it is, I wish you well. Have a great November :)
Enitan
xx
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Time, slowwww down plix!
How is october almost over already? Goodness, anyone else feel like the year is flying by? I suppose with my head buried in work, it's only right that i haven't noticed *note to self - must get out more*
Having said that, i have had a lovely weekend though! *yay me! lol* There was a drama/music concert at my church last night, and i couldn't come up with a sensible excuse not to go, plus i thought it was time i actually started meeting new people, it's been 3 months in leeds now, i can't pull the newbie card anymore. Of course the promise of midnight crew performing was enough to get me off my couch :D Glad i went, i had a lovely time and met two new people! lol, yay me! hehe..
If you don't know who they are, they are a gospel music band from Lagos Nigeria. They have toured major major cities, even performed on stage with some gospel big names a la Don Moen, Kirk Franklin etc etc I must say though, that they sound a-ma-ziinggg live! Their recordings don't do them justice.
*I really wanted to insert their 'igwe' video in here, but i can't figure out how to do it. But errm, youtube is your friend*
I was on Linda Ikeji's blog and saw this story on street hawkers being flogged and punished. I'm still unable to comprehend that. Like W.T.F?? Honestly, what is the matter with some Nigerians? I mean, how did this come about? Did people actually sit around a table and come up with that nonsense? Did it not cross any one of their minds that perhaps, just perhaps, these poor children did not choose to hawk?! I mean common, what child would choose to be under the scortching Nigerian sun hawking, rather than in a classroom or even home? I don't get it, just don't get it! And these are the people whose mercy we're under, Lord help us all. So much for child protection. I just do not get it!
This is the country I still strongly want to go back to. I've heard it all, from i'm crazy to i'm naive and back down the spectrum again. I've concluded that it's diffcult to explain the longing to go home to someone who's never left home. I mean, how do you make someone understand what it's like to be different, not included, to someone who has never experienced that, especially if they already have the mindset that any other than Nigeria is Nirvana? I only wish i could answer the question that plagues me : what difference can i make and how do i do that? I know my dream, i always have known what my vision is. It's to bring an acceptable standard of healthcare to the common man. The one who can't afford Reddington hospital, who can't afford to see a doctor because he needs to go scavenge for his daily bread. In all my years on earth, nothing upsets me more than a wasted / maimed life due to something so trivial, preventable and treatable. I bow my head in shame everytime i hear of a woman dying in childbirth, or someone dying from malaria. In this present time, it's so unacceptable it's embarrasing.
In a country where the doctors have been on strike in a major city for more than a month and nobody in a position of power or authority to change things gives a rat's ass. Why would they though, they can afford to be flown out of the country to treat 'pericarditis'. Can you tell i'm bitter? mxtchewww
But hey, one step at a time, one day at a time. I'm a firm believer of running with your dream/vision and see where it takes you. Of course, i'm open to suggestions, any suggestion - apart from telling me not to go of course :p
On a completely random note, i won a blog giveaway on the natural lounge! *bb dancing emoticon* I've never won anything before so i was so chuffed! hehe. On another note, i'm burnt sting has closed her blog to un-invited readers. I love her blog and used to go everyday through her blog list as well. oh well #shrug. If you're reading sting, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(
Have a lovely week ahead everyone and don't forget your happiness is your responsibility not anyone else's. No one is superhuman enough to make and keep you happy. The energy you put out there is what is reflected back at you. So smile a little and help others out, you'll get that love back shaken, pressed down and many times over.
Enitan
xx
Having said that, i have had a lovely weekend though! *yay me! lol* There was a drama/music concert at my church last night, and i couldn't come up with a sensible excuse not to go, plus i thought it was time i actually started meeting new people, it's been 3 months in leeds now, i can't pull the newbie card anymore. Of course the promise of midnight crew performing was enough to get me off my couch :D Glad i went, i had a lovely time and met two new people! lol, yay me! hehe..
If you don't know who they are, they are a gospel music band from Lagos Nigeria. They have toured major major cities, even performed on stage with some gospel big names a la Don Moen, Kirk Franklin etc etc I must say though, that they sound a-ma-ziinggg live! Their recordings don't do them justice.
*I really wanted to insert their 'igwe' video in here, but i can't figure out how to do it. But errm, youtube is your friend*
I was on Linda Ikeji's blog and saw this story on street hawkers being flogged and punished. I'm still unable to comprehend that. Like W.T.F?? Honestly, what is the matter with some Nigerians? I mean, how did this come about? Did people actually sit around a table and come up with that nonsense? Did it not cross any one of their minds that perhaps, just perhaps, these poor children did not choose to hawk?! I mean common, what child would choose to be under the scortching Nigerian sun hawking, rather than in a classroom or even home? I don't get it, just don't get it! And these are the people whose mercy we're under, Lord help us all. So much for child protection. I just do not get it!
This is the country I still strongly want to go back to. I've heard it all, from i'm crazy to i'm naive and back down the spectrum again. I've concluded that it's diffcult to explain the longing to go home to someone who's never left home. I mean, how do you make someone understand what it's like to be different, not included, to someone who has never experienced that, especially if they already have the mindset that any other than Nigeria is Nirvana? I only wish i could answer the question that plagues me : what difference can i make and how do i do that? I know my dream, i always have known what my vision is. It's to bring an acceptable standard of healthcare to the common man. The one who can't afford Reddington hospital, who can't afford to see a doctor because he needs to go scavenge for his daily bread. In all my years on earth, nothing upsets me more than a wasted / maimed life due to something so trivial, preventable and treatable. I bow my head in shame everytime i hear of a woman dying in childbirth, or someone dying from malaria. In this present time, it's so unacceptable it's embarrasing.
In a country where the doctors have been on strike in a major city for more than a month and nobody in a position of power or authority to change things gives a rat's ass. Why would they though, they can afford to be flown out of the country to treat 'pericarditis'. Can you tell i'm bitter? mxtchewww
But hey, one step at a time, one day at a time. I'm a firm believer of running with your dream/vision and see where it takes you. Of course, i'm open to suggestions, any suggestion - apart from telling me not to go of course :p
On a completely random note, i won a blog giveaway on the natural lounge! *bb dancing emoticon* I've never won anything before so i was so chuffed! hehe. On another note, i'm burnt sting has closed her blog to un-invited readers. I love her blog and used to go everyday through her blog list as well. oh well #shrug. If you're reading sting, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(
Have a lovely week ahead everyone and don't forget your happiness is your responsibility not anyone else's. No one is superhuman enough to make and keep you happy. The energy you put out there is what is reflected back at you. So smile a little and help others out, you'll get that love back shaken, pressed down and many times over.
Enitan
xx
Friday, 8 October 2010
Still here
*cough - blowing away dust and removing cobwebs* jeez, i haven't been here for a minute. A very apt representation of my life really - dead social and emotional life. All I've been doing is work-sleep-eat-work-sleep-eat-work-sleep-eat..yeah you get the picture
Might explain why i'm so homesick, i really really want to go home *sulking* I've been indulging in my visions of setting up shop at home, even brainstorming fundraising events and such. #dontjudgeme if we don't have dreams and visions what do we have? ----->
The advent of super technology sure has its downside, what the hell is going on with written language? Messanger and twitter means that people can't spell anymore and it irks me to no end! I mean, the meaning of the apostrophe has been forgotten! It's = It is, I'm = I am, Am = am, check and cheque are not one and the same! sheesh!
I'm on a day off today as i'm working all through from tomorrow until friday and my bleep won't fucking shut up! Stupid long range pagers, there are other doctors in the hospital for pete's sake! I'm taking the damn battery out right now, and no nobody will die because i'm not there, it's a flipping hospital #rollingeyes
Anyone else irritated by chirstmas adverts already in october? hiss..no wonder people don't know the meaning of christmas anymore! okay, rant over :)
You know you've grown up when you go through issues calmy and not stressed out, same issues that used to cause you to sin against God and man. I don't know of any bigger stress than financial issues. I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. I've gone from being homless, broke, foodless, all three at the same time some christmases ago, gone through having to walk an hour to uni and back because i didn't have money to get the bus etc etc. The fact that I graduated in spite of all that and that i'm working in spite of the issues that threatened to prevent that are the reasons why i'll never grumble or complain. They are the reasons why I cannot dare not to give thanks to God ever in my life again.
I'm a priviledged child, I've always known that and always been thankful for that. I'm saying this because my dad just came through for me money wise. My ass has been pseudo-broke. I say pseudo cuz I have the money, but can't spend it, because thanks to immigration rules, i have to have over a thousand pounds in my account for a minimum of a month prior to applying for a visa renewal. Imagine just sitting there looking at money and not being able to touch it *hiss* This is why i'm moving back to my own country asap! Anyway, credit card maxxed out, bills pouring in, and your girl is a calm as calm can be! No worries, no panic, niente! And I realised that that calm is from my absolute trust in God and from my experience with His nature of showing up just on time and not a minute sooner or later! *bbm dancing emoticon* I'd been avoiding my post box *hehe* bit the bullet and went to open today, not suprised to find final demands and notices..no worries..opened up my account to pay one off, what do i find? more than enough to pay off alll bills and cards from dearest daddy!and i didn't even break a sweat! *bbm dancing emoticon* repeat after me: God is never late, He is always on time! I'm so thankful, so so thankful!
I found these questions on sting's blog and wanted to do them. I don't have the patience for 100, so i'm only gonna do a quarter, enjoy. Hope y'all have been doing alright, don't forget to embrace the day and don't permit daily issues to rob you of your joy. Afterall, worrying doesn't solve anything, you might as well spend that time living your life. Trust me, i know.
1. How old will you be in five years?
28
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Myself
3. How tall are you?
I have no idea, never had a reason to find out really :p
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
taking some time off work and hopefully going to Edinburgh *hopefully*
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Inception - best movie i've seen in a while!
6. Who was the last person you called?
My dearest brother kunle
7. Who was the last person to call you?
My work-mate
8. What was the last text message you received?
From my friend Marian, telling me about a book she's about to edit
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
My friend in detriot
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Call..i hate texting and chatting, they're so impersonal
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
In bed
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Mum's widowed
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Sept 29th 2010
14. What color are your eyes?
Brown
15. What time did you wake up today?
Not at 6am! The joys of a day off :)
16. What are you wearing right now?
Grey sweats and a white tee
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
God bless ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay :) I looveee christmas! I'm like a child in a candy store :)
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
On the beach ..no contest
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Supermarket/shopping mall..too many people jare
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
home! Naija!
Might explain why i'm so homesick, i really really want to go home *sulking* I've been indulging in my visions of setting up shop at home, even brainstorming fundraising events and such. #dontjudgeme if we don't have dreams and visions what do we have? ----->
The advent of super technology sure has its downside, what the hell is going on with written language? Messanger and twitter means that people can't spell anymore and it irks me to no end! I mean, the meaning of the apostrophe has been forgotten! It's = It is, I'm = I am, Am = am, check and cheque are not one and the same! sheesh!
I'm on a day off today as i'm working all through from tomorrow until friday and my bleep won't fucking shut up! Stupid long range pagers, there are other doctors in the hospital for pete's sake! I'm taking the damn battery out right now, and no nobody will die because i'm not there, it's a flipping hospital #rollingeyes
Anyone else irritated by chirstmas adverts already in october? hiss..no wonder people don't know the meaning of christmas anymore! okay, rant over :)
You know you've grown up when you go through issues calmy and not stressed out, same issues that used to cause you to sin against God and man. I don't know of any bigger stress than financial issues. I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. I've gone from being homless, broke, foodless, all three at the same time some christmases ago, gone through having to walk an hour to uni and back because i didn't have money to get the bus etc etc. The fact that I graduated in spite of all that and that i'm working in spite of the issues that threatened to prevent that are the reasons why i'll never grumble or complain. They are the reasons why I cannot dare not to give thanks to God ever in my life again.
I'm a priviledged child, I've always known that and always been thankful for that. I'm saying this because my dad just came through for me money wise. My ass has been pseudo-broke. I say pseudo cuz I have the money, but can't spend it, because thanks to immigration rules, i have to have over a thousand pounds in my account for a minimum of a month prior to applying for a visa renewal. Imagine just sitting there looking at money and not being able to touch it *hiss* This is why i'm moving back to my own country asap! Anyway, credit card maxxed out, bills pouring in, and your girl is a calm as calm can be! No worries, no panic, niente! And I realised that that calm is from my absolute trust in God and from my experience with His nature of showing up just on time and not a minute sooner or later! *bbm dancing emoticon* I'd been avoiding my post box *hehe* bit the bullet and went to open today, not suprised to find final demands and notices..no worries..opened up my account to pay one off, what do i find? more than enough to pay off alll bills and cards from dearest daddy!and i didn't even break a sweat! *bbm dancing emoticon* repeat after me: God is never late, He is always on time! I'm so thankful, so so thankful!
I found these questions on sting's blog and wanted to do them. I don't have the patience for 100, so i'm only gonna do a quarter, enjoy. Hope y'all have been doing alright, don't forget to embrace the day and don't permit daily issues to rob you of your joy. Afterall, worrying doesn't solve anything, you might as well spend that time living your life. Trust me, i know.
1. How old will you be in five years?
28
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
Myself
3. How tall are you?
I have no idea, never had a reason to find out really :p
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
taking some time off work and hopefully going to Edinburgh *hopefully*
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
Inception - best movie i've seen in a while!
6. Who was the last person you called?
My dearest brother kunle
7. Who was the last person to call you?
My work-mate
8. What was the last text message you received?
From my friend Marian, telling me about a book she's about to edit
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
My friend in detriot
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
Call..i hate texting and chatting, they're so impersonal
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
In bed
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Mum's widowed
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
Sept 29th 2010
14. What color are your eyes?
Brown
15. What time did you wake up today?
Not at 6am! The joys of a day off :)
16. What are you wearing right now?
Grey sweats and a white tee
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
God bless ye merry gentleman, let nothing you dismay :) I looveee christmas! I'm like a child in a candy store :)
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
On the beach ..no contest
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
Supermarket/shopping mall..too many people jare
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
home! Naija!
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