Friday, 10 August 2012
Favourite images
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| keep it simple |
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| lemon-aid :-p |
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| farabale lol |
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| enough said haha |
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| pink! |
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| REGAL. Love this image! |
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| hehehe |
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| hahaha, evil! cyanide and happiness is my thang! |
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| because time waits for no one |
*images tiffed, downloaded, shared from bbm contacts. I hold no claim or rights to them*
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange
Wednesday, 8 August 2012
hello world
It's been a hella couple of months.
friend's death and funeral - she was only 27 bless her soul.
finishing foundation training in an incredibly stressful manner - the postgraduate training this side of the pond is dead i tell you. At least it's done and dusted thank God.
wedding planning - gosh wedding planning. I'm never going to agree to be a maid of honour ever again - my goodness!
learning sooo much more about myself - yes i'm an eternal loner and an eternal realist. Only God's grace has kept me from murdering my live-in housemate thus far. :o) she's actually absolutely divine, it's the loner in me that cusses for a minute before i check my attitude when i come back from a long day to a human being and so have to make conversation lol. I'm getting better though, much better. I took myself out on a date yesterday though, i needed the break. I can NEVER get antsy about it, never. All i need do is remember when i was homeless, slept on someone's floor after getting kicked out by someone else's housemate. God has brought me a long long way i tell you. Those times in the valley were all preparing me for a time like this. Afterall, how do i explain to God that i didn't lend a helping hand when He has clearly blessed me to be a blessing? Selfishness and kingdom living don't feature in the same sentence i tell you.
Completely taken my mind, my heart, my thoughts my everything off Mr Portsmouth months ago. Lovely and all, but i came to the realisation that i want and need someone who claims i'm important to behave like it - actions and not words - actions, and to think we're in the same country - please. I'm not in my fifth decade single and desperate abeg. I had this epiphany shortly after i thought long and hard about what i'm doing with the boy. Funny, i'd have never thought you could grow to like someone more a few months down the line, ish is supposed to be at the maximum excitement in the beginning right? On the contrary. I like this realisation.
I was so certain that if the summer plans didn't work out and the boy didn't come visit - i was so done with it, you know get out before you get in too deep, an across the pond thing wasn't my ideal anyway you know. Only for the summer to show up and i'm like woah okay, i don't think i want out! I didn't want out, evidently i had two feet in and didn't even realise and to be fair this is soo not difficult. A bit inconvenient yes, but not difficult I won't say. I've repeatedly asked my Father and i still do to put an end to it asap if he doesn't approve and if it's not from Him. So far He seems pretty happy. If He's happy, i'm happy.
The only issue i have at the moment is figuring out what to do with my life. Yes, i'm still going round this mountain! Finished foundation training, 2 exams and one 5hour long interview later, got a GP specialist training programme - 3 year job contract yo! Wasn't an easy feat i tell you. Supposed to start 7 days ago and here i am sat at home applying to locum agencies because the home office is being a bastard and not issuing me a work permit in time. *sigh* I'm too much of a christian to not know that this isn't all surface and there's more to this than the physical. I've prayed about it, all i've asked of God is to give me source of income so i can pay my back tithes - my mind is not at rest knowing that i owe God. He's grown me up too much not to know the importance of that 10% in my life - Haven't been able to pay back tithes because of keeping money in my account for this visa application steez. This visa stress steez is on another level in this country i tell you. If bank of daddy was around i won't even be applying to locum agencies lol. i'd have a year long holiday i say lol
So i've been out of a job for 8 days and i've NEVER be happier. NEVER. I haven't missed doctoring for even one second. Not at all. I'm desperate to figure out what i'm supposed to be doing. I feel like this a time for me to utilise in figuring out what i'm supposed to be doing with my life, new talents, alternative career paths and all, but i'm drawing blanks. I don't even know where to start and i feel like time is slipping by. As soon as i start work again i won't have so much time but i feel so useless - i literally don't know where to begin! God help me, i need direction
In the mean time, the sun is shinning, i'm happy, all's well in the world.
Thank you Jesus
:o)
friend's death and funeral - she was only 27 bless her soul.
finishing foundation training in an incredibly stressful manner - the postgraduate training this side of the pond is dead i tell you. At least it's done and dusted thank God.
wedding planning - gosh wedding planning. I'm never going to agree to be a maid of honour ever again - my goodness!
learning sooo much more about myself - yes i'm an eternal loner and an eternal realist. Only God's grace has kept me from murdering my live-in housemate thus far. :o) she's actually absolutely divine, it's the loner in me that cusses for a minute before i check my attitude when i come back from a long day to a human being and so have to make conversation lol. I'm getting better though, much better. I took myself out on a date yesterday though, i needed the break. I can NEVER get antsy about it, never. All i need do is remember when i was homeless, slept on someone's floor after getting kicked out by someone else's housemate. God has brought me a long long way i tell you. Those times in the valley were all preparing me for a time like this. Afterall, how do i explain to God that i didn't lend a helping hand when He has clearly blessed me to be a blessing? Selfishness and kingdom living don't feature in the same sentence i tell you.
Completely taken my mind, my heart, my thoughts my everything off Mr Portsmouth months ago. Lovely and all, but i came to the realisation that i want and need someone who claims i'm important to behave like it - actions and not words - actions, and to think we're in the same country - please. I'm not in my fifth decade single and desperate abeg. I had this epiphany shortly after i thought long and hard about what i'm doing with the boy. Funny, i'd have never thought you could grow to like someone more a few months down the line, ish is supposed to be at the maximum excitement in the beginning right? On the contrary. I like this realisation.
I was so certain that if the summer plans didn't work out and the boy didn't come visit - i was so done with it, you know get out before you get in too deep, an across the pond thing wasn't my ideal anyway you know. Only for the summer to show up and i'm like woah okay, i don't think i want out! I didn't want out, evidently i had two feet in and didn't even realise and to be fair this is soo not difficult. A bit inconvenient yes, but not difficult I won't say. I've repeatedly asked my Father and i still do to put an end to it asap if he doesn't approve and if it's not from Him. So far He seems pretty happy. If He's happy, i'm happy.
The only issue i have at the moment is figuring out what to do with my life. Yes, i'm still going round this mountain! Finished foundation training, 2 exams and one 5hour long interview later, got a GP specialist training programme - 3 year job contract yo! Wasn't an easy feat i tell you. Supposed to start 7 days ago and here i am sat at home applying to locum agencies because the home office is being a bastard and not issuing me a work permit in time. *sigh* I'm too much of a christian to not know that this isn't all surface and there's more to this than the physical. I've prayed about it, all i've asked of God is to give me source of income so i can pay my back tithes - my mind is not at rest knowing that i owe God. He's grown me up too much not to know the importance of that 10% in my life - Haven't been able to pay back tithes because of keeping money in my account for this visa application steez. This visa stress steez is on another level in this country i tell you. If bank of daddy was around i won't even be applying to locum agencies lol. i'd have a year long holiday i say lol
So i've been out of a job for 8 days and i've NEVER be happier. NEVER. I haven't missed doctoring for even one second. Not at all. I'm desperate to figure out what i'm supposed to be doing. I feel like this a time for me to utilise in figuring out what i'm supposed to be doing with my life, new talents, alternative career paths and all, but i'm drawing blanks. I don't even know where to start and i feel like time is slipping by. As soon as i start work again i won't have so much time but i feel so useless - i literally don't know where to begin! God help me, i need direction
In the mean time, the sun is shinning, i'm happy, all's well in the world.
Thank you Jesus
:o)
Thursday, 7 June 2012
empty
Why am I totally emotionless at the news that a friend most very very very likely has lymphoma? I'm so very blergh about it, I actually have no feelings about this..
I feel sorrier for the mongoose being torn apart by wild dogs on nat geo playing in my background than i feel for my friend who's alone in hospital with the fear that she probably has cancer
Relationships do NOT come naturally - at least not to me. I have a degree in being temporarily happy and then succumbing to the most overwhelming feeling of entrapment and the unrelenting need to run, hide out under a cave somewhere and just never come up for air ever again
Sometimes I wish for armageddon, rapture, end of the world, whatever it's called these days, I get so weary of earth, of life.
I cannnot.
I feel sorrier for the mongoose being torn apart by wild dogs on nat geo playing in my background than i feel for my friend who's alone in hospital with the fear that she probably has cancer
Relationships do NOT come naturally - at least not to me. I have a degree in being temporarily happy and then succumbing to the most overwhelming feeling of entrapment and the unrelenting need to run, hide out under a cave somewhere and just never come up for air ever again
Sometimes I wish for armageddon, rapture, end of the world, whatever it's called these days, I get so weary of earth, of life.
I cannnot.
Monday, 4 June 2012
what ifs
'what if I don't relocate?'
Is the question that's been reverberating in my mind for well over a week - well over a week and more loudly so since I desperately asked for some clarification. I've always wanted to ask and have been procrastinating for ages. Now i'm kinda like it'd look like a knee jerk reaction to the events that happened on Sunday, obviously I know it's not. He doesn't.
No there's nothing wrong - absolutely nothing wrong. 6 days to the 3 month mark and the good old monster rears its head. I'm convinced something happened in my past life to make me this way - completely incapable of being plural. I have no other explanation.
There's nothing more desperately distressing than indecisiveness and trying to make decisions based on information you don't have.
Why now? Why didn't I ask this earlier? I dunno, I actually don't know but it has been bugging me for ages, I suppose more so because this agreement was established on the premise that this relocation will happen. I'm like err, so what if I don't go - and you clearly aren't coming (we had this conversation) then err, what are we doing? Evidently I have a PhD in ruining peoples' lives.
Truth, I've been bent on relocating for a few months now, but what if i don't? I'm here until at least early next year anyway and I do have a 3 year training programme - all things being equal by God's grace as nothing's set in stone.
The obvious response to this is what if i do?
Somehow I always manage to get caught up in drama..#sigh
Is the question that's been reverberating in my mind for well over a week - well over a week and more loudly so since I desperately asked for some clarification. I've always wanted to ask and have been procrastinating for ages. Now i'm kinda like it'd look like a knee jerk reaction to the events that happened on Sunday, obviously I know it's not. He doesn't.
No there's nothing wrong - absolutely nothing wrong. 6 days to the 3 month mark and the good old monster rears its head. I'm convinced something happened in my past life to make me this way - completely incapable of being plural. I have no other explanation.
There's nothing more desperately distressing than indecisiveness and trying to make decisions based on information you don't have.
Why now? Why didn't I ask this earlier? I dunno, I actually don't know but it has been bugging me for ages, I suppose more so because this agreement was established on the premise that this relocation will happen. I'm like err, so what if I don't go - and you clearly aren't coming (we had this conversation) then err, what are we doing? Evidently I have a PhD in ruining peoples' lives.
Truth, I've been bent on relocating for a few months now, but what if i don't? I'm here until at least early next year anyway and I do have a 3 year training programme - all things being equal by God's grace as nothing's set in stone.
The obvious response to this is what if i do?
Somehow I always manage to get caught up in drama..#sigh
Monday, 14 May 2012
aeons ago
looking in on my life there's not much difficult about going to work daily,
checking emails daily, meeting deadlines and updating portfolios.Today I checked said emails after about a month and the amount of stuff I've missed is legendary, I'm suprised I've not been fired since! But truth
be told I'm struggling to care. This is not the life I envisioned for myself. I'm tired of being here and I just want to relocate. The boy says I should give it some attention, how can I not care? I recognise what I'm doing subconsciously as self sabotage-if I'm passive enough,things will just fall in place.*smh*why not
just go home?because my indefinate leave to remain is due in december
It makes sense to stay for that,even though getting an extension until then
Is shaky.It's easier not to care. Truth is I broke aeons ago.
checking emails daily, meeting deadlines and updating portfolios.Today I checked said emails after about a month and the amount of stuff I've missed is legendary, I'm suprised I've not been fired since! But truth
be told I'm struggling to care. This is not the life I envisioned for myself. I'm tired of being here and I just want to relocate. The boy says I should give it some attention, how can I not care? I recognise what I'm doing subconsciously as self sabotage-if I'm passive enough,things will just fall in place.*smh*why not
just go home?because my indefinate leave to remain is due in december
It makes sense to stay for that,even though getting an extension until then
Is shaky.It's easier not to care. Truth is I broke aeons ago.
Thursday, 26 April 2012
if wishes were horses
If wishes were horses, i'd wish i didn't see you at S9
I'd wish us back to many months ago when we left it at that
I'd wish i wasn't all stupid inside for a little while; questioning my decision
If wishes were horses, i'd wish i didn't try again only to be reminded your lack of effort, will, drive
I'd wish you understood that you have to work for something, someone you want. Saying you want them isn't enough
If wishes were horses, i'd wish i never met you
I'd wish i understood what emotion is masquerading as loss and regret
I wouldn't be up wondering why you're in hospital on your birthday, concerned and ticked off that you're not answering your phone
I wouldn't be wondering why i'm wondering who's by your side
If only wishes were horses
I'd wish us back to many months ago when we left it at that
I'd wish i wasn't all stupid inside for a little while; questioning my decision
If wishes were horses, i'd wish i didn't try again only to be reminded your lack of effort, will, drive
I'd wish you understood that you have to work for something, someone you want. Saying you want them isn't enough
If wishes were horses, i'd wish i never met you
I'd wish i understood what emotion is masquerading as loss and regret
I wouldn't be up wondering why you're in hospital on your birthday, concerned and ticked off that you're not answering your phone
I wouldn't be wondering why i'm wondering who's by your side
If only wishes were horses
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