1) Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.
2) Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to speak Ebonics…
3) Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.
4) Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.
5) Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.
6) Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.
7) Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids; it’s an accessory, you bought it so it’s yours.
8.) Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn’t mean you’re cheap.
9) Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show you some appreciation.
10) Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a Queen.
11) Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.
12) Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even if others don’t agree YOU have to live with the consequences, not them.
13) Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.
14) Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn’t mean you don’t love your Brothers.
15) Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There’s a reason she’s been your girl from day one.
16) Never apologize to your old friends about ‘new’ friends; God continues to bring His daughters together to uplift each other.
17) Never apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.
18) Never apologize for saying NO
19) Never apologize for looking beautiful. You are beautiful.
20) Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out.
21) Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.
22) Never apologize for changing your mind. It’s your prerogative.
23) Never apologize for someone else’s Bad Day: A friend snaps at you and you’re expected to say sorry? Exactly where is the logic in that?
24) Never apologize for being honest. People often say, “The truth hurts,” or “you can’t handle the truth,” or “you don’t really want to hear the truth.” The fact of the matter is everyone does WANT the truth.
25) Never apologize for being alone. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, relish in the opportunity to spoil and cherish yourself…to meet only your demands….to listen to only your requests….. And to tend to only your needs.
26) Never apologize to anyone for being single! Always remember just like God is working on you; He is also working on your mate and when the time is right you will meet!
27) Never apologize for being educated and behaving accordingly! Your mama didn’t raise a fool!
28) Never apologize for refusing to compromise your integrity. Always adhere to your moral and ethical principles.
29) Never apologize for not tolerating bad behavior, at home, in public, in the workplace…
30) Never apologize for taking a break. It’s more healthy and beneficial to literally stop every once in a while to breathe, to let your hair down, to relax, to rejuvenate. It’s necessary.
31) Never apologize for Investing in Your Looks. Its’ all about feeling confident, not about doing yourself up to land a man. And it makes facials, manicures, pedicures and the sauna worth every cent.
32) Never apologize for hoping your children will be Cuter than your Friends. Honestly, your pals are hoping the same thing.
33) Never apologize for being Inexperienced. That doesn’t mean you lack great ideas. So stop prefacing sentences like “…but I did not, I am not, I haven’t…’’ stick to what you’re training for or have been trained in and be proud!
34) Never apologize for having a Crazy Family: Give your guy & friends a heads up about them, but never insinuate that their problems taint you.
35) Never apologize for helping others. Be free, do what you want to do, not others, help happily where necessary, only mean people & haters will laugh at you and pull you back.
36) Never apologize for saying exactly how you feel, only if you have every reason and every right to feel that way. Respect and courtesy must always be present though.
37) Never apologize for the books you like to read (that’s if you’re a reader). You’re allowed to choose whatever kind of reading material you like. You’re an adult, and well aware of all the choices out there. If romance works for you, read them proudly. People don’t apologize for liking romantic comedies at the movies, or chick flicks. They like them. So what?
38) Never apologize for where you come from. There is a good reason as to why God meant for you to be born there, it doesn’t matter whether you’re from Asia, Africa, America we are all humans at the end of the day, no one was born in the moon anyway.
39) Never Apologize for Loving the Lord, for calling His Name, for Having Absolute Faith in Him, He’s your father, He’ll Light Your Path.
40) Never apologize for being YOU!
Tiffed from femmelounge
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
happy holidays and ? closure
Am I or am I not over the ex? That's the question. I oscillate between a yes and a no..wtf is wrong with me? Afterall we broke up in January - no, scratch that..afterall, I broke up with him in January. Yes as in 12 months ago January *sigh* because I gave up on us. I gave up on the year old long distance thing we had going on and broke his heart, and mine, in a thousand and ten tiny little pieces
It's been a bit touch and go since then, clipped conversations, safe emails and text messages, long stretches of silence and resurfacing like nothing happened - all year. I thought I was fine - even had my little 48hr christmas affair (which his memory managed to ruin btw). I though i was fine he sent me a message today and i wondered why i could finally admit to myself that i missed him with tears stinging my eyes - they didn't fall though! Just stung. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.
When I find myself going round the same old shit and asking if just maybe we're meant to be - when i don't even believe in that, i start to get pissed off jare! It's enough jor, 12 months later, i shouldn't be going through this shit. mscheww..
In other news, I've thoroughly enjoyed the christmas break (which ends today #sob). I can honestly say hand on heart that I haven't had such a good christmas in all of my life - honestly! Christmas party at a new friend's was a.w.e.s.o.m.e. such good fun. boxing day was just as awesome, i made sweet love to my bed..hehe and then had friend's over on the 27th! take out, laughs, good movies...fantastic times! The last few days have made up for the past 11 months in all honesty. They say friends are the family we choose :)
Right, off to enjoy the rest of the holiday before reality comes crashing down in the morning.
Happy holidays!
Enitan
xx
It's been a bit touch and go since then, clipped conversations, safe emails and text messages, long stretches of silence and resurfacing like nothing happened - all year. I thought I was fine - even had my little 48hr christmas affair (which his memory managed to ruin btw). I though i was fine he sent me a message today and i wondered why i could finally admit to myself that i missed him with tears stinging my eyes - they didn't fall though! Just stung. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.
When I find myself going round the same old shit and asking if just maybe we're meant to be - when i don't even believe in that, i start to get pissed off jare! It's enough jor, 12 months later, i shouldn't be going through this shit. mscheww..
In other news, I've thoroughly enjoyed the christmas break (which ends today #sob). I can honestly say hand on heart that I haven't had such a good christmas in all of my life - honestly! Christmas party at a new friend's was a.w.e.s.o.m.e. such good fun. boxing day was just as awesome, i made sweet love to my bed..hehe and then had friend's over on the 27th! take out, laughs, good movies...fantastic times! The last few days have made up for the past 11 months in all honesty. They say friends are the family we choose :)
Right, off to enjoy the rest of the holiday before reality comes crashing down in the morning.
Happy holidays!
Enitan
xx
Sunday, 19 December 2010
A christmas affair
I want to have an affair. Yes, i do. Okay, mayhaps (i know that's not a word) affair's the wrong word. I should say a fling. An affair gives the impression that i'm in a relationship of some kind. I'm not, i'm very single. I'm pretty certain the object of my intentions wants a fling too. Yep, most certainly not a relationship.
I finally admit to myself that i'm even thinking about it. There's no other reason for entertaining and encouraging continous bbm messages and conversations bursting at the seams with innuendos. Gosh, my friends would have a coronary if i said this out loud *hehe*
It's weird and interesting at the same time, certainly a new revelation of myself. I guess i'm enjoying the recent male attention a little too much, it's been a while. Heck, it's been a whiiilleee! :D I mean, i'm pretty certain brother man's not looking for anything deep (i stopped worrying about 'leading him on' after i realised) neither am i to be very honest. But he's cute and interesting and i'm enjoying being flirted with.
I stopped the guilt tripping and decided to ride this out and see how it turns out. It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday period already :D
I'll keep you dearest blog posted.
I hope everyone's gearing up to have a wonderful holiday and no one's gonna be alone for the christmas/new year period.
Merry christmas!
Enitan
xx
I finally admit to myself that i'm even thinking about it. There's no other reason for entertaining and encouraging continous bbm messages and conversations bursting at the seams with innuendos. Gosh, my friends would have a coronary if i said this out loud *hehe*
It's weird and interesting at the same time, certainly a new revelation of myself. I guess i'm enjoying the recent male attention a little too much, it's been a while. Heck, it's been a whiiilleee! :D I mean, i'm pretty certain brother man's not looking for anything deep (i stopped worrying about 'leading him on' after i realised) neither am i to be very honest. But he's cute and interesting and i'm enjoying being flirted with.
I stopped the guilt tripping and decided to ride this out and see how it turns out. It's shaping up to be a wonderful holiday period already :D
I'll keep you dearest blog posted.
I hope everyone's gearing up to have a wonderful holiday and no one's gonna be alone for the christmas/new year period.
Merry christmas!
Enitan
xx
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Confused dot com
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| image from http://evilcowtowninc.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/confused.jpg |
I've come to the realisation, and i'm willing to admit that i do not have a clue what i'm doing with my life or where i'm going. Sure, sure, I'm a doctor now, i always wanted to be a doctor. Then adulthood set in, and along with it came disillusionment. I know what my one overarching dream/vision is but i don't know how to get there. I know what step to take, hell, i don't even know how to lift a foot.
I confess to being under some degree of stress recently. I aknowledge the feelings of loneliness that creep up on me from time to time. I was shocked to catch myself wishing for a family or friends to be around. Sheesh, tired of spending holidays by myself all the time jare. I say that like i'm not working through the holidays this season. Truth be told, i don't remember the last time i was truly, freely happy. I don't remember the last time i laughed from my stomach, the last time a smile reached my eyes.
That's besides the point. The point is that I can't answer the 'what the hell am i doing with my life?' question and that bothers me. I refuse to let my life pass me by but i don't know what to do about it. I'm not scared to do what i need to do, i just don't know what it is i need to do!
I do know at the very moment that i need to go take a shower and take out the trash. Now that i can do. But then what?
Any shrinks out in blogsville willing to help a sister out?
Monday, 15 November 2010
comming up for air
My sleep-wake cycle is royally messed up, no thanks to my recent week of nights! I was dead tired at 5.00pm, had a long nap and now i'm wide awake at half 2 in the morning! I'm so mad at that, i hate it! I need to correct it, but i soo hate forcing myself to sleep! oh well..
Eeek, I had a nightmare last night, yes, nightmare! I dreamt that I married some random high school friend after 2 weeks of dating! O_O !! Not least because i don't even like said random high school friend because he's so..so..whiny! He moans about everything on facebook and bbm! sheesh.. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the nightmare! The wedding was awful, it was small and I looked like a trick! O_O! Now, i'm all for small weddings but getting married to some random not-liked-guy in a wedding with only friends and no family! AND to top it all off, i was in a stupid stupid knee-length halter white dress! O.M.G!! WTF?? The nightmare didn't end there! The camera broke whilst taking pictures and in the nightmare i couldn't remember how the said husband even proposed, neither could he! Eeeeekkkk!! And then *oh yeah! there's more!* I called my ex and said i just wanted him to know i got married before he found out through press, and then he went mute! What the hell right? *le sigh*
You can see why i called this a nightmare right? I mean, imagine all that! I overslept because of the n'mare and got to church late as well! I prayed against that ish real quick! Tufiakwa! Oloun ma je!
Aiiiiiiii! Man life's going by sha. A friend called me to rant about how i've ignored him and not called. I wish people could understand that my life is literally wake-work-sleep and do it all over again. When i'm not working i'm too tired to care, you should see my apartment! But I know that I ought to make an effort, i know that. Even the thought of that makes me tired! I do though, i don't want to wake up one day and find myself all alone.
I received a couple of dreams this past week, and I'm praying for favour to do them. Now, i'm not a career person, I'm not a competetive person at all and doing things to boost cv and all that ish is not for me. But I've always said I want to go back home and clearly, i'm going to need to learn some relevant medicine for that part of the world, you know, self improvement and all that. I understandably know nothing about malaria and the likes, so i'm protecting and working towards doing a diploma in tropical medicine. I'm not going to be able to do it until autmn 2012 because it's a full time course and there are only 2 schools in England who offer the course - london and liverpool and only 70 places in each school! Competetion much? LOL..I'm going to a fair on wednesday in manchester, i believe the london school will be there to get some more information about best time to apply and all that. What i can do in the mean time is start saving! My designer bags are going to have to wait lol...i kid!
The other one is to complete both parts of my membership exams prior to that. Heaven knows why membership exams are so costly! I best get my read on and behave myself. Favour is one thing, putting in the work is another.
I had much more to write about, but I best make myself sleep, it's 3am now. Got a bit of shopping to do in the morning and reading. I've promised myself some leisurely reading this week i've got off. Last time i read a book was before graduation! And i actually enjoy reading..I've got a couple of yoruba books I was so excited to recieve in the summer to better my spoken and written language, i've only managed to get through a couple of chapters!
Glad Sting's back writing, her post on heart break is hilarious! LOL..and oyin handmade hair products in the UK? Score! Natural hair maintenance just got easier! hehe...
Right, i'm off to bed, have a good week everyone.
Enitan
xx
Eeek, I had a nightmare last night, yes, nightmare! I dreamt that I married some random high school friend after 2 weeks of dating! O_O !! Not least because i don't even like said random high school friend because he's so..so..whiny! He moans about everything on facebook and bbm! sheesh.. Anyway, that wasn't the end of the nightmare! The wedding was awful, it was small and I looked like a trick! O_O! Now, i'm all for small weddings but getting married to some random not-liked-guy in a wedding with only friends and no family! AND to top it all off, i was in a stupid stupid knee-length halter white dress! O.M.G!! WTF?? The nightmare didn't end there! The camera broke whilst taking pictures and in the nightmare i couldn't remember how the said husband even proposed, neither could he! Eeeeekkkk!! And then *oh yeah! there's more!* I called my ex and said i just wanted him to know i got married before he found out through press, and then he went mute! What the hell right? *le sigh*
You can see why i called this a nightmare right? I mean, imagine all that! I overslept because of the n'mare and got to church late as well! I prayed against that ish real quick! Tufiakwa! Oloun ma je!
Aiiiiiiii! Man life's going by sha. A friend called me to rant about how i've ignored him and not called. I wish people could understand that my life is literally wake-work-sleep and do it all over again. When i'm not working i'm too tired to care, you should see my apartment! But I know that I ought to make an effort, i know that. Even the thought of that makes me tired! I do though, i don't want to wake up one day and find myself all alone.
I received a couple of dreams this past week, and I'm praying for favour to do them. Now, i'm not a career person, I'm not a competetive person at all and doing things to boost cv and all that ish is not for me. But I've always said I want to go back home and clearly, i'm going to need to learn some relevant medicine for that part of the world, you know, self improvement and all that. I understandably know nothing about malaria and the likes, so i'm protecting and working towards doing a diploma in tropical medicine. I'm not going to be able to do it until autmn 2012 because it's a full time course and there are only 2 schools in England who offer the course - london and liverpool and only 70 places in each school! Competetion much? LOL..I'm going to a fair on wednesday in manchester, i believe the london school will be there to get some more information about best time to apply and all that. What i can do in the mean time is start saving! My designer bags are going to have to wait lol...i kid!
The other one is to complete both parts of my membership exams prior to that. Heaven knows why membership exams are so costly! I best get my read on and behave myself. Favour is one thing, putting in the work is another.
I had much more to write about, but I best make myself sleep, it's 3am now. Got a bit of shopping to do in the morning and reading. I've promised myself some leisurely reading this week i've got off. Last time i read a book was before graduation! And i actually enjoy reading..I've got a couple of yoruba books I was so excited to recieve in the summer to better my spoken and written language, i've only managed to get through a couple of chapters!
Glad Sting's back writing, her post on heart break is hilarious! LOL..and oyin handmade hair products in the UK? Score! Natural hair maintenance just got easier! hehe...
Right, i'm off to bed, have a good week everyone.
Enitan
xx
Monday, 1 November 2010
Emotionally tired
It's the end of the weekend, I ought to be well rested and ready to have a go at the new week. Yet I'm tired, exhausted actually. I've come to realise it's an emotional/psychological tiredness as opposed to a physical one.
I had a pretty roller-coaster saturday which has spilled over into my sunday. I recently sent off an application to renew my visa via post because i'd already been to the home office and failed, i refused to go through that a second time *I promsie to write about it when it's all done* I received a letter on saturday morning instructing that i go submit my biometrics within the next 15days from the date the letter was written (which was already 3 days before i received it) otherwise my application would be invalid. I wondered if these people know that regular people have jobs to go to *smh* Anyway, wild horses would have been unable to drag me to the home office in sheffield so I opted to go to the post office in durham instead, an hour and some train ride from leeds.
The post office shut at 4 and my train was scheduled to arrive durham at 2, only it didn't. We got stuck on the tracks due to a signal fault just outside the station actually, which was more frustrating, for about 45 minutes and arrived durham round about three. I was already mighty stressed by the point the train finally pulled into durham because I had only an hour to get my business sorted.
While the train was immobile on the tracks, my stress levels rocketed through the roof, and i sent up a desperate prayer to God, as in literally said 'Father i'm desperate i have to get this ish done, please move this train', barely a minute after my desperate cry we moved! Finally got to durham, no taxis at the taxi rank and i thought fantastic! Things weren't looking peachy. Waited impatiently for a cab, got to the post office only to be told to come back another day that the system had broken down and several attempts at re-booting had not helped.
That was the last straw. I broke down in tears. I had had enough. The visa steez has been dragging on for so long, I'd had a 77hr week at work and was completely exhausted, not having had anything to eat all day, the train delay, no cab and then to be told i couldn't give the fingerprints just tipped me over the edge. I cried for about a minute or two.
I acknowledged that i was stressed and fed up because i.do.not.cry. As in, in all honesty, i don't remember the last time i shed a tear, i didn't even cry at my dad's funeral for pete's sake! I guess it all just got to me. I wearily go to the atm go get money for a cab back to the station only to have this nudging to go back and ask for the post office number so i could call next saturday before travelling down there. I thought about asking the lady to please re-boot one more time, but dismissed the thought.
As soon as i walked up to the booth, the lady exclaimed 'thank goodness you came back! It's working now!' I was like shuo??! are u sure? Apparently one of the staff had gone out to look for me because i'd been so distressed to tell me it was working but didn't see me. At that point i couldn't even crack a smile, i was soo relieved, i can't begin to help you understand! So yeah, got it done, trekked back to the station and started the long journey home.
God had my back! I did not even hesitate in giving Him thanks. Twice He saved my ass in one day! I've always said that God loves me, how He always shows up just on time never ceases to amaze me!
I got home round about half 6 completely weary and then my tesco delivery came! I can't believe i've been living on practically no food just because i haven't had the time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, that was my weekend. It was supposed to be restful, i was supposed to do some reading. No such luck. So much emotional drama. I can't imagine how some people actively seek drama in their lives sha, I can't bear it. I'm not good with emotions: emotions are the devil! lol.. so fickle and yet so powerful, but i've always maintained that emotions are to be subdued. We are the boss of our 'feelings' and not the other way round..i digress
Anyway, got a chance to properly thank God with dance and song today at church. Sometimes when we watch people at church, we wonder why they are so effusive..man, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches jare!
On a random note, i'm going to join the youth fellowship in church! My friends would give me a collectiive side eye to this proclamation lol! Only because i'm one of those who relish anonymity, but i figured what other way to meet people in leeds and actually have some human company besides patients, nurses and doctors. I mean with all the time i spend working, i can't see how else i'll get to meet people and i have no intention to be all alone in this city. Anyway, fingers crossed for that.
On another random note, i've finally admitted to myself that i'm not completely over the 'crush' i blogged about earlier on. I mean the fact that i'm not okay with him bringing up his girlfriend anytime we chat on bbm just smacks of that. I can't pretend that it's not true and i can't keep brushing her aside whenever she comes up in convos - denial much? It was his birthday this friday just gone and he spent it with her, fair. I mean he'd been so down lately i was glad he finally took my advice and took the weekend off, but i can't explain what went through my heart and head when he gushed about spending the weekend with her. Yep! major R.E.A.L.I.T.Y. C.H.E.C.K! lol..and so i have made the decision to be deliberate about moving.the.fuck.on! Which sadly means imma have to cut down on the conversations, chat, thoughts etc. beacause earth to enitan: y'all are no longer buddies like that..move over! So yes, mentally i have moved jare, another one bites the dust and we keep on moving...
..................................................................................................................................................................................
Gosh, i needed to exhale. i'm off to bed now, on-call this week. I need to focus, re-group and take the week head - on. It's a new month yo, i'm expecting torrential blessings, big big things are going to happen in my life this month beginning from.. right now! It's going to be a season of rest and refreshing for me, after all the shit i've been through this past quarter, i'm looking forward to resting in God's secret place.
What are you expecting this month? Whatever it is, I wish you well. Have a great November :)
Enitan
xx
I had a pretty roller-coaster saturday which has spilled over into my sunday. I recently sent off an application to renew my visa via post because i'd already been to the home office and failed, i refused to go through that a second time *I promsie to write about it when it's all done* I received a letter on saturday morning instructing that i go submit my biometrics within the next 15days from the date the letter was written (which was already 3 days before i received it) otherwise my application would be invalid. I wondered if these people know that regular people have jobs to go to *smh* Anyway, wild horses would have been unable to drag me to the home office in sheffield so I opted to go to the post office in durham instead, an hour and some train ride from leeds.
The post office shut at 4 and my train was scheduled to arrive durham at 2, only it didn't. We got stuck on the tracks due to a signal fault just outside the station actually, which was more frustrating, for about 45 minutes and arrived durham round about three. I was already mighty stressed by the point the train finally pulled into durham because I had only an hour to get my business sorted.
While the train was immobile on the tracks, my stress levels rocketed through the roof, and i sent up a desperate prayer to God, as in literally said 'Father i'm desperate i have to get this ish done, please move this train', barely a minute after my desperate cry we moved! Finally got to durham, no taxis at the taxi rank and i thought fantastic! Things weren't looking peachy. Waited impatiently for a cab, got to the post office only to be told to come back another day that the system had broken down and several attempts at re-booting had not helped.
That was the last straw. I broke down in tears. I had had enough. The visa steez has been dragging on for so long, I'd had a 77hr week at work and was completely exhausted, not having had anything to eat all day, the train delay, no cab and then to be told i couldn't give the fingerprints just tipped me over the edge. I cried for about a minute or two.
I acknowledged that i was stressed and fed up because i.do.not.cry. As in, in all honesty, i don't remember the last time i shed a tear, i didn't even cry at my dad's funeral for pete's sake! I guess it all just got to me. I wearily go to the atm go get money for a cab back to the station only to have this nudging to go back and ask for the post office number so i could call next saturday before travelling down there. I thought about asking the lady to please re-boot one more time, but dismissed the thought.
As soon as i walked up to the booth, the lady exclaimed 'thank goodness you came back! It's working now!' I was like shuo??! are u sure? Apparently one of the staff had gone out to look for me because i'd been so distressed to tell me it was working but didn't see me. At that point i couldn't even crack a smile, i was soo relieved, i can't begin to help you understand! So yeah, got it done, trekked back to the station and started the long journey home.
God had my back! I did not even hesitate in giving Him thanks. Twice He saved my ass in one day! I've always said that God loves me, how He always shows up just on time never ceases to amaze me!
I got home round about half 6 completely weary and then my tesco delivery came! I can't believe i've been living on practically no food just because i haven't had the time to go grocery shopping.
Anyway, that was my weekend. It was supposed to be restful, i was supposed to do some reading. No such luck. So much emotional drama. I can't imagine how some people actively seek drama in their lives sha, I can't bear it. I'm not good with emotions: emotions are the devil! lol.. so fickle and yet so powerful, but i've always maintained that emotions are to be subdued. We are the boss of our 'feelings' and not the other way round..i digress
Anyway, got a chance to properly thank God with dance and song today at church. Sometimes when we watch people at church, we wonder why they are so effusive..man, only he who wears the shoe knows where it pinches jare!
On a random note, i'm going to join the youth fellowship in church! My friends would give me a collectiive side eye to this proclamation lol! Only because i'm one of those who relish anonymity, but i figured what other way to meet people in leeds and actually have some human company besides patients, nurses and doctors. I mean with all the time i spend working, i can't see how else i'll get to meet people and i have no intention to be all alone in this city. Anyway, fingers crossed for that.
On another random note, i've finally admitted to myself that i'm not completely over the 'crush' i blogged about earlier on. I mean the fact that i'm not okay with him bringing up his girlfriend anytime we chat on bbm just smacks of that. I can't pretend that it's not true and i can't keep brushing her aside whenever she comes up in convos - denial much? It was his birthday this friday just gone and he spent it with her, fair. I mean he'd been so down lately i was glad he finally took my advice and took the weekend off, but i can't explain what went through my heart and head when he gushed about spending the weekend with her. Yep! major R.E.A.L.I.T.Y. C.H.E.C.K! lol..and so i have made the decision to be deliberate about moving.the.fuck.on! Which sadly means imma have to cut down on the conversations, chat, thoughts etc. beacause earth to enitan: y'all are no longer buddies like that..move over! So yes, mentally i have moved jare, another one bites the dust and we keep on moving...
..................................................................................................................................................................................
Gosh, i needed to exhale. i'm off to bed now, on-call this week. I need to focus, re-group and take the week head - on. It's a new month yo, i'm expecting torrential blessings, big big things are going to happen in my life this month beginning from.. right now! It's going to be a season of rest and refreshing for me, after all the shit i've been through this past quarter, i'm looking forward to resting in God's secret place.
What are you expecting this month? Whatever it is, I wish you well. Have a great November :)
Enitan
xx
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Time, slowwww down plix!
How is october almost over already? Goodness, anyone else feel like the year is flying by? I suppose with my head buried in work, it's only right that i haven't noticed *note to self - must get out more*
Having said that, i have had a lovely weekend though! *yay me! lol* There was a drama/music concert at my church last night, and i couldn't come up with a sensible excuse not to go, plus i thought it was time i actually started meeting new people, it's been 3 months in leeds now, i can't pull the newbie card anymore. Of course the promise of midnight crew performing was enough to get me off my couch :D Glad i went, i had a lovely time and met two new people! lol, yay me! hehe..
If you don't know who they are, they are a gospel music band from Lagos Nigeria. They have toured major major cities, even performed on stage with some gospel big names a la Don Moen, Kirk Franklin etc etc I must say though, that they sound a-ma-ziinggg live! Their recordings don't do them justice.
*I really wanted to insert their 'igwe' video in here, but i can't figure out how to do it. But errm, youtube is your friend*
I was on Linda Ikeji's blog and saw this story on street hawkers being flogged and punished. I'm still unable to comprehend that. Like W.T.F?? Honestly, what is the matter with some Nigerians? I mean, how did this come about? Did people actually sit around a table and come up with that nonsense? Did it not cross any one of their minds that perhaps, just perhaps, these poor children did not choose to hawk?! I mean common, what child would choose to be under the scortching Nigerian sun hawking, rather than in a classroom or even home? I don't get it, just don't get it! And these are the people whose mercy we're under, Lord help us all. So much for child protection. I just do not get it!
This is the country I still strongly want to go back to. I've heard it all, from i'm crazy to i'm naive and back down the spectrum again. I've concluded that it's diffcult to explain the longing to go home to someone who's never left home. I mean, how do you make someone understand what it's like to be different, not included, to someone who has never experienced that, especially if they already have the mindset that any other than Nigeria is Nirvana? I only wish i could answer the question that plagues me : what difference can i make and how do i do that? I know my dream, i always have known what my vision is. It's to bring an acceptable standard of healthcare to the common man. The one who can't afford Reddington hospital, who can't afford to see a doctor because he needs to go scavenge for his daily bread. In all my years on earth, nothing upsets me more than a wasted / maimed life due to something so trivial, preventable and treatable. I bow my head in shame everytime i hear of a woman dying in childbirth, or someone dying from malaria. In this present time, it's so unacceptable it's embarrasing.
In a country where the doctors have been on strike in a major city for more than a month and nobody in a position of power or authority to change things gives a rat's ass. Why would they though, they can afford to be flown out of the country to treat 'pericarditis'. Can you tell i'm bitter? mxtchewww
But hey, one step at a time, one day at a time. I'm a firm believer of running with your dream/vision and see where it takes you. Of course, i'm open to suggestions, any suggestion - apart from telling me not to go of course :p
On a completely random note, i won a blog giveaway on the natural lounge! *bb dancing emoticon* I've never won anything before so i was so chuffed! hehe. On another note, i'm burnt sting has closed her blog to un-invited readers. I love her blog and used to go everyday through her blog list as well. oh well #shrug. If you're reading sting, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(
Have a lovely week ahead everyone and don't forget your happiness is your responsibility not anyone else's. No one is superhuman enough to make and keep you happy. The energy you put out there is what is reflected back at you. So smile a little and help others out, you'll get that love back shaken, pressed down and many times over.
Enitan
xx
Having said that, i have had a lovely weekend though! *yay me! lol* There was a drama/music concert at my church last night, and i couldn't come up with a sensible excuse not to go, plus i thought it was time i actually started meeting new people, it's been 3 months in leeds now, i can't pull the newbie card anymore. Of course the promise of midnight crew performing was enough to get me off my couch :D Glad i went, i had a lovely time and met two new people! lol, yay me! hehe..
If you don't know who they are, they are a gospel music band from Lagos Nigeria. They have toured major major cities, even performed on stage with some gospel big names a la Don Moen, Kirk Franklin etc etc I must say though, that they sound a-ma-ziinggg live! Their recordings don't do them justice.
*I really wanted to insert their 'igwe' video in here, but i can't figure out how to do it. But errm, youtube is your friend*
I was on Linda Ikeji's blog and saw this story on street hawkers being flogged and punished. I'm still unable to comprehend that. Like W.T.F?? Honestly, what is the matter with some Nigerians? I mean, how did this come about? Did people actually sit around a table and come up with that nonsense? Did it not cross any one of their minds that perhaps, just perhaps, these poor children did not choose to hawk?! I mean common, what child would choose to be under the scortching Nigerian sun hawking, rather than in a classroom or even home? I don't get it, just don't get it! And these are the people whose mercy we're under, Lord help us all. So much for child protection. I just do not get it!
This is the country I still strongly want to go back to. I've heard it all, from i'm crazy to i'm naive and back down the spectrum again. I've concluded that it's diffcult to explain the longing to go home to someone who's never left home. I mean, how do you make someone understand what it's like to be different, not included, to someone who has never experienced that, especially if they already have the mindset that any other than Nigeria is Nirvana? I only wish i could answer the question that plagues me : what difference can i make and how do i do that? I know my dream, i always have known what my vision is. It's to bring an acceptable standard of healthcare to the common man. The one who can't afford Reddington hospital, who can't afford to see a doctor because he needs to go scavenge for his daily bread. In all my years on earth, nothing upsets me more than a wasted / maimed life due to something so trivial, preventable and treatable. I bow my head in shame everytime i hear of a woman dying in childbirth, or someone dying from malaria. In this present time, it's so unacceptable it's embarrasing.
In a country where the doctors have been on strike in a major city for more than a month and nobody in a position of power or authority to change things gives a rat's ass. Why would they though, they can afford to be flown out of the country to treat 'pericarditis'. Can you tell i'm bitter? mxtchewww
But hey, one step at a time, one day at a time. I'm a firm believer of running with your dream/vision and see where it takes you. Of course, i'm open to suggestions, any suggestion - apart from telling me not to go of course :p
On a completely random note, i won a blog giveaway on the natural lounge! *bb dancing emoticon* I've never won anything before so i was so chuffed! hehe. On another note, i'm burnt sting has closed her blog to un-invited readers. I love her blog and used to go everyday through her blog list as well. oh well #shrug. If you're reading sting, i'm getting withdrawal symptoms :(
Have a lovely week ahead everyone and don't forget your happiness is your responsibility not anyone else's. No one is superhuman enough to make and keep you happy. The energy you put out there is what is reflected back at you. So smile a little and help others out, you'll get that love back shaken, pressed down and many times over.
Enitan
xx
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