Wednesday, 27 July 2011


I recognise this feeling. It's the one I get when a decision I've taken has a direct and often negative impact on another person.

I'm just about ready to head back up north. My jaunt down south visiting a dear friend has just about run it's course and I've never longed to be in my own space as much as long for home right now. Yes I know I said I'll stay up until the weekend - myopic of me clearly.

As bad as I feel for upsetting a dear friend, I'm still not going to change my mind. I decided a short while ago that I will no longer continually lay myself sacrificially at the altar of 'make everyone else happy but yourself'. It's time I begin to practice what I preach.

Sometimes the girl who's always there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her. This is me right now.

The rate at which I get through bridges, there'll be none left for me to burn very soon.

I hear you calling leeds, mama's almost home

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

scatter brain

Thank you Sting, Myne, Didi and Neefemi for your comments on my previous posts. They were/are very much appreciated

I'm going to be resuming as a senior house officer/SHO/F2/second year intern in a week - i've never disliked my job more

It's getting increasingly difficult to convince myself that I hate it because the first year of any job is often a difficult major adjustment and perhaps it'll get better as i climb the ladder

Another August another session of the devil working through the uk immigration service - threatening to revoke my visa because I changed my e-mail address and didn't tell them? *blank stare*

Everytime I mention that I'm seriously considering a change of career to anyone, they either find it funny or call me loopy, afterall what could be better than being a doctor?....right?

It's a task to try to help peoeple understand what you're going through if they haven't walked in your shoes. It's a lonely place to be.

Why are there never 100% assurances? Must everything be a leap or faith? No one wants to make the wrong move, but what is life without taking chances?

I wonder sometimes if i just need a massive mindset and attitude overall. Kinda like I need to constantly/dilligently see God in everything I do. Will that make things better?

How do I know if all this is a prolonged quarter life crisis or actually a genuine nudging to move on and up?

Because you have a talent for something does not mean that is what you have to do. You will never be truely successful or happy unless you are in the place you were created to be. 

I miss push-puller. I shouldn't. I'm not permitted to. I figured it'll hurt less so many months later - i'm still waiting on that. I'm not mad at him anymore - I suppose that's progress. He's been mad at me since I said I had been avoiding him. Tough - I had to! I deserve to be happy to. He seems blissfully happy with his together.

I'll wait patiently for the one i asked of God - in the meantime - well no one ever died of being lonely

I stopped answering femi's calls since he said to me that his girlfriend would be upset if she knew he was still speaking with me. We broke up a year and 7 months ago - #okaythen

I haven't enjoyed my annual leave as much as i'd hoped to - the joys of being broke

T.D.Jake's 'repositioning yourself - living life without limits' is a suprisingly difficult book to read. All his other books haven't taken me this long to read. It's good nonetheless - forces you to confront issues. He referenced Jim collins 'good to great'. Push-puller's reading that. I was excitedly gonna message him to mention that *rolling my eyes at myself* until i remembered how it takes him no less than an hour or 2 to reply bb messages - that ALWAYS ticks me off. - there was a time he would call/text..oh well..

Mind over matter..mind over matter..mind over you

I know every experience in life serves to make us better, tougher, stronger. Why do they have to be so difficult though? I feel like my heart can't take it anymore

I never used to be a cry-er, hell i didn't even cry at my father's funeral! I feel like i'm slowly unravelling. What happened to strong enitan?

I hear a voice that says I must return to the beginning, to my first love - i'd happily do that if that's the solution to all - i need a satnav though

For now, i must put on my happy face - nothing worse than ruining everyone else's day

*p.s i know i always sound so low, i have bright moments too but i write when i'm unhappy - makes me feel like someone's listening