Monday, 23 August 2010

My name is Favour

I shouldn't have gone to bed last night, because now i'm awake. I'll be awake all day and then sleepy  at night when i'm on call smh..i really did know better but sleep was oh so enticing :). Yep, I start my week of nights/on-call today, and i'm excited much! hehe..It's one of the few responsibilites that are exciting to begin with before the wear and tear and anti-social nature begins to ruin your life! hehe...we'll see how it goes wish me luck and pray no-one arrests/crashes! I cannot vouch for my life-saving capabilities at 3.00am :P

In other news, mehn, e be like say i get favour tattoed on my fore-head o! I haven't been able to stop praising and thanking baba God. If you've read any of my previous posts you'll see that i've had something to be thankful about. I went to the bank on an afternoon off, i wanted a graduate account so that i can make use of the interest free overdraft facilities. You all know what it's like, broke for like a couple of weeks before payday and just need something to tide you over before you get paid. I'd waited for my certificate to come through the post for ages!, got a copy of my job contract, got my passport, went armed with all the documents i needed, only to be told that i couldn't get a graduate account because i'm not a british national! Shuo, what has that got to do with anything?

I presented my degree, my job contract everything, the woman no gree. She was like she was sorry that was the policy. Trust me to challenge the 'policy', she actually couldn't tell me why! She went to her manager and came back to tell me that because the account comes with up to £1200 interest-free I can't have it because as a foreigner they can't guarantee that i won't leave the country without re-paying the money!

Imagine! See me see trouble! I was stupefied into silence! I didn't even know what to say! I was like you think i've been in school for the past 7 and half years, got a great paying job only to steal £1200? I was like i don't even want that much overdraft, i just want £300 overdraft *i'm a firm believer in not spending what you don't have, i don't agree with the credit culture of the western world at all!* I even suggested she include overdraft facilities on my current account, which was also declined because i haven't renewed my current visa yet. I left so deflated, i wasn't even annoyed just deflated. I started thinking about all the shit i've been through just because i was an immigrant! As in, if i'd gone into Zenith bank will someone have the nerve to refuse me bank facilities because i'm foreigner? Hisssss...and people wonder why i'm so adamant about going back home! It's little things like this, that constantly remind you that no matter how high up the ladder you climb, you're not wanted nor will you ever be seen as nothing but a foreigner. In fact, i should re-name this blog 'the travails of an immigrant' :P

Anyway, that's how i left o, decided to carry my market to a different bank, but those ones needed my bank statements for the past three months. I'd switched to paperless statements a while back so i had to go back to my own bank to request the statements, i went to a different one though. The lady who was going to print them for me enquired why i needed them and told me that the other bank won't accept print outs even from the bank! Another deflation! She then asked why i needed them, i told her the whole story and how i decided to carry my market to another bank, to say she was shocked is an understatement! She apologised, said it was outright discrimination, couldn't believe that with my earnings i was refused a measly £300 overdraft that i asked for. The lady is the same age as me and is an 'immigrant' too, so she understood the challenges and everything. We actually went on to have a really nice conversation about the hardship we see because of our non-british passports, she told me all what she's been through too, even touched on boyfriends and ethnic parents wahala! lol...I offered to show her my certificate and other documents she declined, that's how she upgraded me to an account with interest-free £500 overdraft and even threw in a credit card with a huge limit in for me!

I didn't even know how to begin thanking her! She looked at me with all sincerety and said i shouldn't that she was just doing her job! Mehnnn, if that's not favour, i really don't know what is! As in, she didn't need to do that, she didn't need to ask what i needed the statements for and she didn't need to offer me a better deal than the other bank were willing to give me. She didn't need to go out of her way at all to do any of that for me! I told my mum and she echoed my thoughts exactly: that was God's favour on my right there!

I sincerely believe the first bank was a test, what if i had lost my temper and just stormed home? I'd still be stewing in my overdraftless self...and it's not payday for another 3 days! I need to send that lady something to say thank you, but i can't send her something obvious before her bosses start sniffing around her. I prayed for her and i'm a firm believer in karma, you get what you put out there and she's put out a lot of kindness and love she'll certainly get what's comming to her.

The overdraft was approved the next day, i immediately hit the shops!, not that kind of shopping! Stocked my house with food and spent the better half of the money at the opticians on my mum, the woman BADLY needed another eye-test and an upgrade on the glasses she had: even i hated looking at the ones she had! LOL

So yeah, patiently waiting for money day! hehe..not like i can spend it sef, i need to leave a certain large sum of money in my bank account for 28 days so that i can renew my visa and the bills are already piling up*kmt* God help me! This country will not be the death of me! *seriously, i should re-name this blog the travails/woes of an immigrant*'s all character building abi? We keep pressing on and smiling, God hasn't forsaken me thus far, he's not about to abandon me now #truetalk!

I read solomonsydelle's last TTEC on unwanted pregnancy, and tried to comment but it won't work at the time. Seriously, WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE?  When you decide to be sexually active did you miss the memo on contraception? The issue makes my blood boil, i can already feel the bile rising in my gut! Even if people no fear pregnancy, una no dey fear HIV? Abi, is it just ignorance? I refuse to believe it is, i started hearing the jingles for gold circle condom when i was barely in my teens! With so many options today, people are still in the unwanted pregnancy mess? I CALL BULLSHIT! SERIOUSLY! I've been slacking on my contraception post, it'll be my next post - honest! *i'm sooo annoyed!*

ooookaayyyy...i'm calming down now... *woooosssaaahhhhhhh*

There, all better :D

I ought to stop writing and figure out a way to sleep today, surgical on-call no be beans! :) Thanks for reading and have a wonderful day. Remember, "the world outside reflects the energy you give it. If you don't like what you see/get, you have every opportunity to change it by changing what you put out there"

Remain blessed and highly favoured y'all.


Sunday, 15 August 2010

Innocence stolen and miracles

*Long post alert* 

A really good friend of mine rang me over the weekend to tell me what's been going on in her life, and i've been so crushed! I'll call her anike for the purposes of this post. She's from Pakistan and we graduated together. She got married last month to a guy her parents had picked out for her. It wasn't a typical arranged marriage thingy in that she also consented to marrying the guy, and they've been talking since October last year, so she grew to like him, and was actually looking forward to being with him, she was so excited.The few occassions that I heard from her after her wedding, I confided in a mutual friend that I was worried about her, and thought she sounded odd, but each time I brushed it off as stress post med-school and new wedding ish. I sent her a number of texts checking up on her and to let her know that I was worried about her, so she should please stay in touch. You see, anike is such a bubbly, happy-go-lucky 25 year old, it's not difficult to know when something's bothering her.
That's how she rang me over the weekend to confess to me what's been happening with and to her. Basically, she's seperated from her husband of 6 weeks! Yes, you heard me! Moved out and ish! As in, my head is still spinning! I can't understand what happened, neither can she, maybe you can help out.

The wahala started on their honeymoon in Malaysia o. Anike shared with the mr that she was thinking of sending her sister around 20quid a month (her sister's just finished GCSEs, kinda equivalent to WAEC level) just to help out since she starts earning money from end of august.The mr said cool, sounded like a good idea. That's how when he rang his parents *yes, you heard me right! Rang his parents on their honeymoon and not just once, 3 times daily for the entire period!* he told his mumc*heaven knows why* na so the woman come spark! She was like ehn ehn, so anike came into their family so that she can spend all her son's money on herself and the family abi? that no, she can't give her sister money (from her own wages o by the way!) she won't permit it.That infact she doesn't trust anike again, say which kain wife them marry sef? Na im the mister come change im mind, yarn anike say she no fit give her sister money. My friend was like, shuo! didn't we already discuss this and you said it was a good idea? Why is your mother's opinion law here? that anyway, she'd heard.

That's how they got back home and the atmosphere had changed *she was living with the husband and his parents in the same house, apparently that's the culture. don't even get me started on culture, that's a whole different post!*. The MIL said to her that they don't trust her anymore that they were going to make her life difficult. Yes she actually said that to her! She was there, being the 'perfect wife' thinking that things will cool down soon. As in she woke up at the crack of dawn, made his lunch, had breakfast with him, ironed his clothes etc, saw him off to work *he's a dr too* and all. Daily she'd go to the kitchen to cook or help the MIL cook, daily she'd get shoo-ed out of the kitchen. Next thing she hears, the husband's like 'my mum says you're being lazy you dont cook!' After getting over the shock, she was like, your mum doesn't let me! Of course he didn't believe her! She suggested once that she and the mr go out to dinner, his response? 'i can't i dont trust you!' chineke! you trust her to sleep with her but to have dinner na matter of trust?

As in things got so bad she was actually thinking of harming herself! Imagine, poor thing! In a different city, away from her family and friends and being so mistreated. The last straw came when it was graduation time, the husband's family called her's and said they weren't going. Anike's parent were like why? They replied 'your daughter cannot be trusted, we're not going to travel down to brighton for her graduation!' ahn ahn, all of a sudden it's 'your daughter'. That's when they found out that they had called pakistan and told all the families that anike was a bad wife, she was lazy, spoilt and had come to spend all their son's money on her own family! chineke! Me i was like na wa o, does the son's wages go straight to the mother's account abi which one is her own?! To keep the peace, anike's parents were like, okay, how do we resolve this? Their answer: 'keep your daughter at home!' My goodness, i couldn't believe what i was hearing! Anyway, the husband went with her to the graduation, and in hindsight i can see now that they weren't comfortable together at all! kmt! So anike's parents travelled up to leicester from cardiff thinking things could be resolved (such a non-issue in my opinion!) the husband's father was like, 'your daughter came here with bad intentions, to steal from us, she's a bad spoilt girl'. heaven help me! all this because she wanted to give her sister money? from her own pocket o! That's how her parents vexed and said, we can't believe you guys have been treating anike like this, it's not like she doesnt have a family who love her or a home where she comes from, it's not like she's poor or doesnt have a job of her own. They basically said they weren't going to stand for it anymore. The FIL was like 'fine, take your daughter' *dead!*

All this time, the husband sat there o, mute! Anike spoke directly to husband and basically said to him that how can he sit there and watch his wife being accused of things he KNOWS she did not do? That he should remember that his parents are married and his silence is the reason why his wife is leaving and his marriage is ending, because he has no balls to speak up! Still, brother man had nothing to say! The bit that made my head hot was that HE HELPED HER PACK! and they called the cops to make sure nothing was taken! IMAGINE! HE HELPED HIS WIFE PACK OUT OF THE HOUSE?! My God i cannot believe it! The last straw was when he took her rings back. He TOOK THE WEDDING RINGS BACK! My goodness, i'm getting angry all over again! what kind of man is that?! He was now like 'what do i do with them now?' she looked at him and told him to give it to the next unfortunate woman.

That's how my friend moved out, 6 weeks after the wedding! Plix, if you guys can find the issue in this story help me point it out o! I made her repeat the story countless times thinking surely there has to be more to it than this! Alas no! I'm not even gonna curse the parents in law, it's the spineless, backbone-less man that can watch his parents drive his wife away that galls me! I'm so angry! I'm angry because he took her innocence! At 25, he was the first person she allowed her self like. Her first kiss, the man who took her virginity, only to discard her like trash! It pains me so much, my spirit is so hurt, she was such a pure, blameless girl i can stake my life on that! only to be discarded like that. He's taken something so precious from her that she can never ever get back and it's hurts me so much! I'm in tears just writing this again. The damage he has done, i don't even know how it's going to be undone *bawling*. As in, where does she start? this poor girl driving her self crazy wondering what she did wrong? Imagine the blow to her soul? I'm fixing to curse him and his family with sopono^, sango and yemoja^ together! Thank God i'm christian, heads for don roll and i'm not actually joking!

The challenge now is how do i be a good friend to her? She's had to move in to hospital accomodation now. In a city where she knows no-where and no one o! All because of this bastard of a boy! I don't even know what to do, short of checking up on her frequently by phone cuz we are in different cities and our rotas are so disparate! I don't know how to even begin to love her. Please any suggestions are so welcome! I'm desperate.

I mentioned miracles: I heard the greatest testimony in church today, man, God is in the business of miracles o, make no body talk otherwise! The church i attend currently rent one of the vue cinema screens at the local mall every sunday for the morning. The church has outgrown the place sef, people spilling over. The pastor shared this testimony this morning, he said he refused to share bad news, so he waited for God to solve it before sharing. Hmm, God is alive, kicking and in the business of looking after His own o! If you have issues, just call on Him now. In fact, stop reading and say a prayer NOW! If you have any doubt, just read my previous post titled 'God is good - always'.

Anyway, on tuesday last week he got a letter from the cinema management saying that they've given the church until the end of the month to vacate the premises, that they've decided that they are not going to rent the place to the church anymore. My people, just like that o, OUT OF THE BLUE! Immediately the devil started, you know how he does now, started tormenting him with, where are you going to take over 300 parishoners? You are done for, yada yada yada. What did the pastor and his wife do? Mehn, they did a Nehemiah immediately o! Took the letter to God and told God that the letter was written to Him o, and that the devil has issued a challenge to God o, so please can He step in? This was on a tuesday morning o. In between when this happened and friday, na prayers o!

Guys the valley between making the request and seeing the result manifest in the physical realm is where the challenge is! That where the devil tries to steal your answered prayer through doubt, double mindedness, fear, that's when he'd remind you of some prayer that went unanswered for somebody else! The challenge is in this in between time, what we must do is keep professing, calling the things that be not as though they are! This is when we must remove doubt and keep pressing on in the scriptures in faith. Anyway, the pastor his wife pressed on in prayer o, believing that God will do what he said He will - surely He won't abandon His children, He'd no doubt provide His children with a place to worship!

Come friday morning, they receive a key in the post! A key for a building they've been wanting to buy and have been believing in faith for for MONTHS! As in, no be rent, leasehold, mortgage o, na freehold! As in payed for! Belonged to the church o! You shoulda seen how the church went crazy this morning when he relayed the testimony. I'm sure i'm not the only one who had tears in my eyes mehn! The entire congregation broke out in spontaneous praise to God! You can tell when a song bursts forth from deep within you, as in there was such a genuine shout of praise and thanksgiving to God this morning, it was amazing to be a part of!Mehn, make nobody yarn you say God no dey o, I'm a living witness to that, time and time again! He is in the business of solving problems o, all you need do is ask! Don't let the devil tell you otherwise, what does he know?!

I was gonna write about me and the ex boyfriend today, but i've written so much, this post is becomming a dissertation :) will share that another time. And yes, i know the contraception post is still pending, there's just so much to write about! hehe..

I'ma stop here, cheers for reading so much. Remember the authority to shape your life lies squarely in your hands and your tongue. Take charge and don't permit someone else make a meal of your destiny.

^Sopana: measles. Sango: god of iron with a fierce tender. Yemoja: spirit woman of the waters

Sunday, 8 August 2010

First few days..and more

My goodness, it's been a loooonnggg week! It really has, I was clapped out all day saturday, and i only worked three days! lol..heaven help me, who said being a medic was a walk in the park? hehe..It's been fun though, i've thoroughly enjoyed every day so far. Thankfully I started on a really quiet week so i've had time to ease in and learn the ropes, and I have the most amazing team to work with thank God. Nothing worse than working with people who don't understand the concept of team work! The 'holiday's' over though, my firm's on call everyday for the next two weeks, so i'm gearing myself up for some proper back breaking work now. That being said, i'm looking forward to it though. The initial trepidation has passed, i'm no longer afraid to sign my name to the prescription of morphine! lol *no be me person go drag to court revoke license abeg, i've been triple checking and even calling the pharmacist sef, he already knows my name poor guy* LOL

I've been so thankful to God this past week, ever since the breakthrough He orchestrated so I could resume work on time *see a couple of posts back* I've been so aware and so grateful of every 'little' thing in my life. In fact, I haven't asked for anything, just been thanking God! Walahi, He's a faithful God. I've been church hopping, since I moved to this city. I miss my old church in Brighton! I was so settled there and I was learning and growing - the two most important criteria in joing a church in my opinion. I went online and found a redeemed near where i live. Now, i'm not a 'redeemer' and have never been to a branch in my life, so i was quite skeptical about it *lol* and raised an eyebrow when i saw that the branch is called 'everlasting Father's assembly' LOOOLL..i'm really sorry, i don't know why i find that funny, it cracks me up ALL the time *no offence to people who attend redeemed please, make una no crucify me* that i was distracted by the pastor and some other guy's H-factor is enough to make me hang my head in shame LOL!

Anyhoo, i decided to check it out last sunday and i absolutely HATED it! As in, i wasn't buying at all! First off I didnt' realise that it was their thanksgiving sunday so i turned up at 11:40 for the 11:45 second service only to realise that the service that day started at 10:00am! Being the stickler for time that i am *yes, not every Nigerian subscribes to African time* i was already upset, but that's not what bothered me. It was the fact that for the remaining two hours that i sat there, there was no teaching! As in, nothing learned! All the pastor did was a 20minute talk on the 'weapons of divine authority' and that we should use them. How?When?Why?Where? Brother man no gree explain, so naturally i was vexed and wrote the place off. I told a friend of mine who attends redeem in lag, and he explained that there's usually no teaching on thanksgiving sunday *i'm still giving that the side eye*

So i thought, it'd only be fair to give it one more chance before i write it off completely. Na so i carry myself go there again this sunday. *that it's a 20min walk from mine makes it more appealing as i don't know anywhere in this city yet* I must say, it was better today. Once again, i got there in time for the second service *i don't like waking up early on a sunday if i have an alternative! It's the last time for another 6 days to have a lie in. My mum used to vex me in naij when we had to wake up at 5.30 to go to church!when there was an 11 am service! that's how we'll get home at 9 having slept through the service only to go back to bed, as in what was the point? kmt* Anyway, got there at 11.30am, ahn ahn, am i late or first service never finish? First service ends in sunday school apparently *side eye* and it overran until 12:15! That's how the second service was cut short to only 30mins o! Chei, naija and time keeping! I must say the visiting pastor did a wonderful job of cutting his sermon short to ten minutes. Yes, ten minutes! of course there still had to be singing lol.

The sermon appeased my unimpressed spirit..he taught on taming the tongue and how we have to remember that whatever we say/profess has ramifications in the spiritual realm and that our words are seeds, so we must be mindful. Power of life and death are in the tongue. It's always good to be reminded of lessons such as these.

So will i go again? Yes, i think i will actually. There are always alternatives if i realise later that it's not a place where i can learn and grow. I'm attracted by the fact that it's a Nigerian community and seems nice, i would like to be in a community i think. I've lived a very solitary life in the past 7 and a half years i've been here, i think i'm ready to make friends outside of med school/hospital. Although, a large congregation of black/naija people frighten me! I've been out of it for so long, i get so intimidated! lol, i don't know how to behave around naijas, i swear, i'm not kidding. So i just slink in and, i need deliverance!

My mum's still around, there has never been a greater test of my patience than this present time!, she was like, 'goodness, o o ti e fe ki anybody help e rara! = you don't want any help at all do you?!' i was like ..i've had no help since i went to boarding school at 9 and left the country at 15, it's a bit to late now!' Perhaps that was a little harsh, recounting that now *oh dear* i just don't like people in my space, in my face, wanting conversation after a long day's work, humming all the time getting on my nerves..and most certainly not for 2 months at a stretch! LOL..i repeat, i need deliverance please pray for me, i smell selfishness around!

I was gonna talk about something else, i've forgotten now. Oh well, hope you all had a lovely weekend, have a wonderful week ahead and remember; your life is what YOU make it, don't give anyone else the power to ruin it, and sow postive words afterall, of what use is negativity?

Enitan xx

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

God is good - ALWAYS!

God is always ON TIME! Not a minute early, never a minute late! *singing and dancing out of ridiculous joy!* A couple of post earlier, i mentioned how i was getting grief from my employing hospital about my visa. Basically they wanted a letter from immigration to confirm that i could work on my visa - which i can, to which immigration maintained that they weren't going to even though the can verbally confirm that i can work. So, my employing hospital dug their heels in and refused to let me take up my training post.

Fast forward to monday, no change. Now i was desperate. Induction was today morning and work starts tomorrow morning at 8.00am. All throughout the weekend, i'd prayed for favour from God, that his favour go before to everyone involved in this case, that he cause my employer to favour me and that i should be able to start work on wednesday morning. This was the ultimate test of my faith! I found scriptures on God rebuking the devourer on my behalf and based my faith on that all weekend and today.

I was so highly strung today. As nothing had been sorted, i was told not to go for  my induction, but i did. I still went in faith- picked up my ID badge, my log-in details, rota and all other admin stuff. Found the out going house officers, sorted out bleeps (pagers) and wards and stuff. 3.00pm came, i still had heard nothing from the BMA or H.R. Now i was anxious! I sat quietly crying to God, reminding Him of His promises to me and thanking Him for sorting it out. Faith i tell you is a powerful tool! In the morning while i was getting dressed, i listened to a message by creflo dollar about how thanksgiving is a weapon in the hands of the believer that releases answers quicker to out physical door and that mumuring and complaining are answer stealers. So i waited in the corridor, anxious, praying and thanking God..3.30pm came..It was time to obey the voice of God and go speak to the human resources manager. I'd been putting it off like, "i've already spoken to her several times on the phone, what's left to say?" To which God replied, "you have to do your part for me to do mine". I was like "but what am i going to say?" He reminded me that He promised to put words in my mouth to speak.

That's how i carried myself to the medical staffing, stepped into the building and was instantly confused, didn't know where i was going! A lady walks up to me and said "can i help you? where do you need to be?" To which i replied "i'm looking for medical staffing actually, I need to see the head of H.R". What comes out of her mouth? "that would be me! i'm actually on my way to lunch but i can see you ". I actually found that funny! LOL.. God HAS a sense of humour, let no one say otherwise! And if i had been disobedient and not gone at that time, she'd have gone to lunch, i'd have missed her and what happened next would not have happened!

So we get to her office and i re-hash the story, she also re-hashes why they still stand on their refusal to hire me until they get this letter from the home office. I think she saw the distress on my face *don't forget God's favour was on me too* and she said to me "this must be so distressing for you, i'm sorry. I know you've spent all this years in med school and it must be pure torture for you to be told you can't work now". I politely thanked her for her time and as i was leaving, she said "i've already called them once, but i promise i'll try once more today for you". I thanked her, said she was very kind and left and didn't think much of that promise.

I was ready to give up, but deep in my spirit, i kept hearing "the day is not over yet Enitan, the day is not over yet". Anyway, i get home so grouchy and anxious, took it out on my mum *she'd made ofada rice too!* and went straight to my room. The BMA called me to update me, they'd sent urgent faxes and made phone calls to the UKBA and still nothing, but that they'd scheduled a conference call on thursday so hopefully something good would come out of that. My heart sank even further, i thought thursday? I'm supposed to start work tomorrow!

Round about 4.30pm my phone rings it's the HR lady. She sounded so excited, in my mind i was like shuo? The following conversation ensued:

H.R lady: Dr Enitan, are you still around?
Me: No, but i'm only ten minutes away, do you need to see me?
H.R lady: well, not really but can you talk?
Me: Yes
H.R lady: I rang immigration again like i said i would, and good news! They've said we can employ you and they've sent documentation that'll help us in our legal standing if we get asked. I double checked with the employer union and they've given the all clear!
Me: Errm, i hear what you're saying, but i'm having great difficulty believing you right now! Are you saying i'm employed and i can come to work tomorrow?
H.R lady: Yes Dr, you can come to work! Report to your ward at 8.00am please. I'm sending an email to the rota co-ordinator and the head of the foundation school right now! 
Me: wow! thank you, thank you so much! I don't know what to say!
H.R lady: lol.. that's fine, i'm glad it's all sorted for you!

As in! I hung up and stood in shock for a few moments! I found my mum and told her everything! Up until this point, i couldn't bring myself to tell her all that was going on. That she was amazed is an understatement. I told a handful of my friends that knew about it too and rang the BMA to update them. *they're still going to follow it up to prevent this from happening to someone else*

It's a no brainer that God fixed this for me. I mean how did they miracoulously hire me with documents and this almighty letter was no longer necessary? I can't stop thanking God for his favour and love. He delivered me from the mouth of the enemy at the NICK OF TIME! I mean the devil was already asking me how i'm going to pay my rent, and tax and bills etc since i couldn't go to work?

*more dancing for joy!* God is good, His methods of teaching and discipline are not pleasant while it lasts, but in the end it yield good fruits. In this case, fruits of patience and absolute trust in Him - there i was depending on the BMA and Ukfpo to sort me out, when i should have made Him my only source not my other Source! God, i'm so thankful and grateful!

So folks, that's how my day went! I'm officially employed Dr Enitan, resuming at 8.00am to look after patients in upper GI surgery for the next four months. Glory be to God! *gulps..a little bit petrified, but a lot excited!*

*Once again, my post on contraception has been put on the back burner, i shall do it. Leave any questions you want me to answer in the comment box and i'll reply to them all when i do the post on contraception*