Sunday, 15 August 2010

Innocence stolen and miracles

*Long post alert* 

A really good friend of mine rang me over the weekend to tell me what's been going on in her life, and i've been so crushed! I'll call her anike for the purposes of this post. She's from Pakistan and we graduated together. She got married last month to a guy her parents had picked out for her. It wasn't a typical arranged marriage thingy in that she also consented to marrying the guy, and they've been talking since October last year, so she grew to like him, and was actually looking forward to being with him, she was so excited.The few occassions that I heard from her after her wedding, I confided in a mutual friend that I was worried about her, and thought she sounded odd, but each time I brushed it off as stress post med-school and new wedding ish. I sent her a number of texts checking up on her and to let her know that I was worried about her, so she should please stay in touch. You see, anike is such a bubbly, happy-go-lucky 25 year old, it's not difficult to know when something's bothering her.
That's how she rang me over the weekend to confess to me what's been happening with and to her. Basically, she's seperated from her husband of 6 weeks! Yes, you heard me! Moved out and ish! As in, my head is still spinning! I can't understand what happened, neither can she, maybe you can help out.

The wahala started on their honeymoon in Malaysia o. Anike shared with the mr that she was thinking of sending her sister around 20quid a month (her sister's just finished GCSEs, kinda equivalent to WAEC level) just to help out since she starts earning money from end of august.The mr said cool, sounded like a good idea. That's how when he rang his parents *yes, you heard me right! Rang his parents on their honeymoon and not just once, 3 times daily for the entire period!* he told his mumc*heaven knows why* na so the woman come spark! She was like ehn ehn, so anike came into their family so that she can spend all her son's money on herself and the family abi? that no, she can't give her sister money (from her own wages o by the way!) she won't permit it.That infact she doesn't trust anike again, say which kain wife them marry sef? Na im the mister come change im mind, yarn anike say she no fit give her sister money. My friend was like, shuo! didn't we already discuss this and you said it was a good idea? Why is your mother's opinion law here? that anyway, she'd heard.

That's how they got back home and the atmosphere had changed *she was living with the husband and his parents in the same house, apparently that's the culture. don't even get me started on culture, that's a whole different post!*. The MIL said to her that they don't trust her anymore that they were going to make her life difficult. Yes she actually said that to her! She was there, being the 'perfect wife' thinking that things will cool down soon. As in she woke up at the crack of dawn, made his lunch, had breakfast with him, ironed his clothes etc, saw him off to work *he's a dr too* and all. Daily she'd go to the kitchen to cook or help the MIL cook, daily she'd get shoo-ed out of the kitchen. Next thing she hears, the husband's like 'my mum says you're being lazy you dont cook!' After getting over the shock, she was like, your mum doesn't let me! Of course he didn't believe her! She suggested once that she and the mr go out to dinner, his response? 'i can't i dont trust you!' chineke! you trust her to sleep with her but to have dinner na matter of trust?

As in things got so bad she was actually thinking of harming herself! Imagine, poor thing! In a different city, away from her family and friends and being so mistreated. The last straw came when it was graduation time, the husband's family called her's and said they weren't going. Anike's parent were like why? They replied 'your daughter cannot be trusted, we're not going to travel down to brighton for her graduation!' ahn ahn, all of a sudden it's 'your daughter'. That's when they found out that they had called pakistan and told all the families that anike was a bad wife, she was lazy, spoilt and had come to spend all their son's money on her own family! chineke! Me i was like na wa o, does the son's wages go straight to the mother's account abi which one is her own?! To keep the peace, anike's parents were like, okay, how do we resolve this? Their answer: 'keep your daughter at home!' My goodness, i couldn't believe what i was hearing! Anyway, the husband went with her to the graduation, and in hindsight i can see now that they weren't comfortable together at all! kmt! So anike's parents travelled up to leicester from cardiff thinking things could be resolved (such a non-issue in my opinion!) the husband's father was like, 'your daughter came here with bad intentions, to steal from us, she's a bad spoilt girl'. heaven help me! all this because she wanted to give her sister money? from her own pocket o! That's how her parents vexed and said, we can't believe you guys have been treating anike like this, it's not like she doesnt have a family who love her or a home where she comes from, it's not like she's poor or doesnt have a job of her own. They basically said they weren't going to stand for it anymore. The FIL was like 'fine, take your daughter' *dead!*

All this time, the husband sat there o, mute! Anike spoke directly to husband and basically said to him that how can he sit there and watch his wife being accused of things he KNOWS she did not do? That he should remember that his parents are married and his silence is the reason why his wife is leaving and his marriage is ending, because he has no balls to speak up! Still, brother man had nothing to say! The bit that made my head hot was that HE HELPED HER PACK! and they called the cops to make sure nothing was taken! IMAGINE! HE HELPED HIS WIFE PACK OUT OF THE HOUSE?! My God i cannot believe it! The last straw was when he took her rings back. He TOOK THE WEDDING RINGS BACK! My goodness, i'm getting angry all over again! what kind of man is that?! He was now like 'what do i do with them now?' she looked at him and told him to give it to the next unfortunate woman.

That's how my friend moved out, 6 weeks after the wedding! Plix, if you guys can find the issue in this story help me point it out o! I made her repeat the story countless times thinking surely there has to be more to it than this! Alas no! I'm not even gonna curse the parents in law, it's the spineless, backbone-less man that can watch his parents drive his wife away that galls me! I'm so angry! I'm angry because he took her innocence! At 25, he was the first person she allowed her self like. Her first kiss, the man who took her virginity, only to discard her like trash! It pains me so much, my spirit is so hurt, she was such a pure, blameless girl i can stake my life on that! only to be discarded like that. He's taken something so precious from her that she can never ever get back and it's hurts me so much! I'm in tears just writing this again. The damage he has done, i don't even know how it's going to be undone *bawling*. As in, where does she start? this poor girl driving her self crazy wondering what she did wrong? Imagine the blow to her soul? I'm fixing to curse him and his family with sopono^, sango and yemoja^ together! Thank God i'm christian, heads for don roll and i'm not actually joking!

The challenge now is how do i be a good friend to her? She's had to move in to hospital accomodation now. In a city where she knows no-where and no one o! All because of this bastard of a boy! I don't even know what to do, short of checking up on her frequently by phone cuz we are in different cities and our rotas are so disparate! I don't know how to even begin to love her. Please any suggestions are so welcome! I'm desperate.

I mentioned miracles: I heard the greatest testimony in church today, man, God is in the business of miracles o, make no body talk otherwise! The church i attend currently rent one of the vue cinema screens at the local mall every sunday for the morning. The church has outgrown the place sef, people spilling over. The pastor shared this testimony this morning, he said he refused to share bad news, so he waited for God to solve it before sharing. Hmm, God is alive, kicking and in the business of looking after His own o! If you have issues, just call on Him now. In fact, stop reading and say a prayer NOW! If you have any doubt, just read my previous post titled 'God is good - always'.

Anyway, on tuesday last week he got a letter from the cinema management saying that they've given the church until the end of the month to vacate the premises, that they've decided that they are not going to rent the place to the church anymore. My people, just like that o, OUT OF THE BLUE! Immediately the devil started, you know how he does now, started tormenting him with, where are you going to take over 300 parishoners? You are done for, yada yada yada. What did the pastor and his wife do? Mehn, they did a Nehemiah immediately o! Took the letter to God and told God that the letter was written to Him o, and that the devil has issued a challenge to God o, so please can He step in? This was on a tuesday morning o. In between when this happened and friday, na prayers o!

Guys the valley between making the request and seeing the result manifest in the physical realm is where the challenge is! That where the devil tries to steal your answered prayer through doubt, double mindedness, fear, that's when he'd remind you of some prayer that went unanswered for somebody else! The challenge is in this in between time, what we must do is keep professing, calling the things that be not as though they are! This is when we must remove doubt and keep pressing on in the scriptures in faith. Anyway, the pastor his wife pressed on in prayer o, believing that God will do what he said He will - surely He won't abandon His children, He'd no doubt provide His children with a place to worship!

Come friday morning, they receive a key in the post! A key for a building they've been wanting to buy and have been believing in faith for for MONTHS! As in, no be rent, leasehold, mortgage o, na freehold! As in payed for! Belonged to the church o! You shoulda seen how the church went crazy this morning when he relayed the testimony. I'm sure i'm not the only one who had tears in my eyes mehn! The entire congregation broke out in spontaneous praise to God! You can tell when a song bursts forth from deep within you, as in there was such a genuine shout of praise and thanksgiving to God this morning, it was amazing to be a part of!Mehn, make nobody yarn you say God no dey o, I'm a living witness to that, time and time again! He is in the business of solving problems o, all you need do is ask! Don't let the devil tell you otherwise, what does he know?!

I was gonna write about me and the ex boyfriend today, but i've written so much, this post is becomming a dissertation :) will share that another time. And yes, i know the contraception post is still pending, there's just so much to write about! hehe..

I'ma stop here, cheers for reading so much. Remember the authority to shape your life lies squarely in your hands and your tongue. Take charge and don't permit someone else make a meal of your destiny.

^Sopana: measles. Sango: god of iron with a fierce tender. Yemoja: spirit woman of the waters


olaoluwatomi said...

Id pray for Anike! The God who answered your pastors prayers will certainly heed the cry of this beautiful girl! In Jesus name! Amen

Enitan said...

Hi, Olaoluwatomi, thanks for reading and commenting.I agree with you, apart from prayers, not much else really to do!

I see you're a dr too, i should get in touch with you, i'm bent on comming home to practice, would you be willing to share tips and things with me?


olaoluwatomi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kookie said...

You would think MIL's would get some sense and not act as if their son's are their property. Then you would also hope that you would marry a man who is prepared to stand up for you! I feel so sorry for Anike butI think we should be grateful that a)she had the good sense to leave b)those people did not come after her or make her life anymore difficult.

She will make friends again where she is and as her friend you should encourage her to see that this is but a hump.