me

It takes as much wisdom and strength to quit as does to grit your teeth
and bear it

That awful place where you see yourself tumbling head first down the
slope and you're totally powerless to pull the brakes

I thought I was grown beyond bouts of *i loathe to say depression*
periods of intense funk, evidently not all I think I am.

I still am the person who pushes people away when I need them the
most *sigh* I withdraw so much, hurt those who love me. I see I am
doing it but too wrapped up in my own shit *sigh* To make amends

Today I smiled a smile that reached my eyes. It came from down in my
belly, up through my eyes and rested on my lips. It felt strange, familiar
but wonderfully refreshing.

I'm still dressed like a tramp, but I put earrings on today and smiled -progress!

Head knowledge and heart knowledge are as different as night and day. I
know in my head that I'm priviledged, lucky, blessed and alladat - I KNOW
those to be irrefutably true yet I scraping the bottom of the barrel - evidently
it takes more than positive confessions and telling yourself to get over yourself
what am I missing?