happy holidays and ? closure

Am I or am I not over the ex? That's the question. I oscillate between a yes and a no..wtf is wrong with me? Afterall we broke up in January - no, scratch that..afterall, I broke up with him in January. Yes as in 12 months ago January *sigh* because I gave up on us. I gave up on the year old long distance thing we had going on and broke his heart, and mine, in a thousand and ten tiny little pieces

It's been a bit touch and go since then, clipped conversations, safe emails and text messages, long stretches of silence and resurfacing like nothing happened - all year. I thought I was fine - even had my little 48hr christmas affair (which his memory managed to ruin btw). I though i was fine he sent me a message today and i wondered why i could finally admit to myself that i missed him with tears stinging my eyes - they didn't fall though! Just stung. FUCK. THIS. SHIT.

When I find myself going round the same old shit and asking if just maybe we're meant to be - when i don't even believe in that, i start to get pissed off jare! It's enough jor, 12 months later, i shouldn't be going through this shit. mscheww..

In other news, I've thoroughly enjoyed the christmas break (which ends today #sob). I can honestly say hand on heart that I haven't had such a good christmas in all of my life - honestly! Christmas party at a new friend's was a.w.e.s.o.m.e. such good fun. boxing day was just as awesome, i made sweet love to my bed..hehe and then had friend's over on the 27th! take out, laughs, good movies...fantastic times! The last few days have made up for the past 11 months in all honesty. They say friends are the family we choose  :)

Right, off to enjoy the rest of the holiday before reality comes crashing down in the morning.

Happy holidays!

Enitan
xx