Saturday, 5 February 2011

Randoms

1. I think i'm finally ready to be in a relationship. I don't know how or when that happened, despite my fighting it ferociously, I have to admit it. I want to and i'm ready to try again.

2. I think about my ex-boyfriend a lot. A LOT. I wonder how he is and fight the urge to call/e-mail/text everyday. We broke up exactly 13 months ago. He was my first boyfriend.

3. I can't bear this crush I have on an unavailable gentle-man. It annoys me that it bothers me whenever i see him with his 'unofficial girlfriend'. Yeah, bullshit much.

4. I always wonder what career option i'd pursue if i gave up my current one. I think about it a lot, alarmingly. I'm in desperate need for motivation.

5. I experienced an epiphany recently : i'm not certain that I want to be what i always thought i want to be.

6. I finally want to learn how to cook. Because i want to. Not because people tell me i need to learn how to cook to please/keep a man.

7. I've been suicidal recently. I got so overwhelmed I was pre-occupied with thoughts of self harm. I now understand how people harm themselves as a cry for help. I tweeted most of my dark feelings and thoughts at the time and i see how friends mistake cries for help as eccentricity.

8. I'm sick to death of being asked to be in a relationship by people who don't understand my need to be some sort of friends first. How do you speak with me for the first time and tell me i'm beautiful and that you're in love with me and demand that I give you an answer immediately? I mean what the fuck?

9. I want to go home. I miss home. I miss my daddy and the heat.

10. When all is said and done, we are left on our lonesome with nothing but thoughts and memories.

11. Life is difficult.

4 comments:

Etoile Oye said...

be strong, Enitan. Every tunnel, no matter how long, has an end.
I pray your next relationship is your last... God be with you.

Myne Whitman said...

Hugs, life can be difficult sometimes. But make the good memories count.

Enitan said...

you ladies are awesome. you both brought a smile to my face. thank you :)

Jaycee said...

Enitan, @ #7...always be sure to remind yourself that you're loved, and you were created for a bigger purpose than you've already fulfilled. Lots of love.