Wednesday, 8 August 2012

hello world

It's been a  hella couple of months.

friend's death and funeral - she was only 27 bless her soul.

finishing foundation training in an incredibly stressful manner - the postgraduate training this side of the pond is dead i tell you. At least it's done and dusted thank God.

wedding planning - gosh wedding planning. I'm never going to agree to be a maid of honour ever again - my goodness!

learning sooo much more about myself - yes i'm an eternal loner and an eternal realist. Only God's grace has kept me from murdering my live-in housemate thus far. :o) she's actually absolutely divine, it's the loner in me that cusses for a minute before i check my attitude when i come back from a long day to a human being and so have to make conversation lol. I'm getting better though, much better. I took myself out on a date yesterday though, i needed the break. I can NEVER get antsy about it, never. All i need do is remember when i was homeless, slept on someone's floor after getting kicked out by someone else's housemate. God has brought me a long long way i tell you. Those times in the valley were all preparing me for a time like this. Afterall, how do i explain to God that i didn't lend a helping hand when He has clearly blessed me to be a blessing? Selfishness and kingdom living don't feature in the same sentence i tell you.

Completely taken my mind, my heart, my thoughts my everything off Mr Portsmouth  months ago. Lovely and all, but i came to the realisation that i want and need someone who claims i'm important to behave like it - actions and not words - actions, and to think we're in the same country - please. I'm not in my fifth decade single and desperate abeg. I had this epiphany shortly after i thought long and hard about what i'm doing with the boy. Funny, i'd have never thought you could grow to like someone more a few months down the line, ish is supposed to be at the maximum excitement in the beginning right? On the contrary. I like this realisation.

I was so certain that if the summer plans didn't work out and the boy didn't come visit - i was so done with it, you know get out before you get in too deep, an across the pond thing wasn't my ideal anyway you know. Only for the summer to show up and i'm like woah okay, i don't think i want out! I didn't want out, evidently i had two feet in and didn't even realise and to be fair this is soo not difficult. A bit inconvenient yes, but not difficult I won't say. I've repeatedly asked my Father and i still do  to put an end to it asap if he doesn't approve and if it's not from Him. So far He seems pretty happy. If He's happy, i'm happy.

The only issue i have at the moment is figuring out what to do with my life. Yes, i'm still going round this mountain! Finished foundation training, 2 exams and one 5hour long interview later, got a GP specialist training programme - 3 year job contract yo! Wasn't an easy feat i tell you. Supposed to start 7 days ago and here i am sat at home applying to locum agencies because the home office is being a bastard and not issuing me a work permit in time. *sigh* I'm too much of a christian to not know that this isn't all surface and there's more to this than the physical. I've prayed about it, all i've asked of God is to give me source of income so i can pay my back tithes - my mind is not at rest knowing that i owe God. He's grown me up too much not to know the importance of that 10% in my life - Haven't been able to pay back tithes because of keeping money in  my account for this visa application steez. This visa stress steez is on another level in this country i tell you. If bank of daddy was around i won't even be applying to locum agencies lol. i'd have a year long holiday i say lol

So i've been out of a job for 8 days and i've NEVER be happier. NEVER. I haven't missed doctoring for even one second. Not at all. I'm desperate to figure out what i'm supposed to be doing. I feel like this a time for me to utilise in figuring out what i'm supposed to be doing with my life, new talents, alternative career paths and all, but i'm drawing blanks. I don't even know where to start and i feel like time is slipping by. As soon as i start work again i won't have so much time but i feel so useless - i literally don't know where to begin! God help me, i need direction

In the mean time, the sun is shinning, i'm happy, all's well in the world.

Thank you Jesus



ccPatricia said...

Welcome back!!! :-)
Enjoy the rest as you find your path to what you really want to do.

Enitan said...

Thank you Patricia and a big Amen! Loved your last post so much, shared it with a friend :o)

ccPatricia said...

I really appreciate that. :-)