Tuesday, 15 November 2011


I feel very resentful towards the 'sensible thing to do' and for a change,I do not feel guilty about being resentful.

I'm fed up with this place and my job - I loathe using the word 'carer'. Yes, I should be thankful I have a 'good job' hheard that a million times over, but forgive me for not being ecstatic about said job. I'm still waiting to like it a year ad a half later - I man what are the chances?

Everyone says to me incredulously 'but you're a doctor! what would you do otherwise?' I always say having the ability and acquired skill to do something should not condemn you to doing that for life. what would do otherwise? how would know? I have never had a chance to explore anything else and I really want to.

I'm resentful because I want to go home. I hate that I feel stuck/trapped here on the conveyor belt of 'postgraduate training'. I mentioned to my friend that if I had any other career, I could just up and leave, but oh no, I should specialise before going back and bla bla bla. As much as that makes sense in theory, 1. I do not want to specialise in secondary care 2. Specialisation takes a miminimum of 8-10 years (except 3 yrs for GP) 3. I do not want to put my life on hold for a job I do not like ad while it 'makes sense' - at the end of the day, what 'is sensible' is not beneficial to everyone, what if it does not make sense to my life/destiny? *sigh*

Specialist applications opened yesterday and I'm filling in a form loathing every second of  it. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, but eventually I have to do me, I want to go home. 10 years in this place is long enough. 2 years in this horridness is  long enough.

I. have. had. enough. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start and I do not like it.

I need to make a decision - the right one. question is what is it?

1 comment:

HoneyDame said...

Aww...I really wish I had the answer for you. I can totally understanding your feeling stuck....just try to be critical of ur choices before making an ultimate decision...Talk to people who have relocated back home and draw inspiration from them....
Going into a career that you already feel this way about is a big deal o....