It's just a little crush

I have a crush? I'm crushing on someone? :O :O How is this even possible? I'm too old for this *shock* My goodness, lol, i haven't been here in so long, i'm suprised! My first crush was when i was in SS1 *talk about a late bloomer!* Juve was my type - tall and skinny, funny too :). Grew out of that after a while only to realise he fancied me at the time too, years later..lol..wasted opportunity. I'm racking my brain right now and i honestly cannot remember crushing on anyone else after that *celebrities don't count* Oh my days! In my 23 years, i've only had one crush? What is wrong with me?!

Now that i'm no longer an oblivious teenager, i don't quite know what to do with this and i don't like it either. Trust life to be complicated; my second crush *let's call him H* is across the atlantic and..wait for it..in a relationship! Yep..the joys

H and I have been friends for yonks, i don't actually remember the first time we met. He's my big brother's really good friend so we saw a lot of each other, and still do when i'm back home. Which unfortunately is not a lot these days. We certainly clicked, hung out a lot,had fun. But that was it. I certainly wasn't thinking of a relationship, neither was he *or so i thought*. We've always kept in touch too; we hear from each other at least twice a week. Pretty good friendship even though i say so myself.

I noticed something was wrong when he told he was seeing someone and i was completely crushed. I mean absolutely gutted. I guess that's prob how he felt when i was seeing the ex. Anyway, we were having a conversation a few days ago when it transpires that evidently, he'd been into me for a long time but due to the 'ross.chandler.monica' situation, i was 'generally off limits anyway'

I'm like rightttt....so you're saying nothing ever happened cuz of the unspoken rule of not dating ur friend's sister? riigghtt...and then he hits me back with the 'you broke my heart when you started dating ur ex'..and i'm like, mate you know me. You know i'm completely useless with subtle signs and shit, you didn't tell me you liked me, how the hell was i supposed to know?!

Oh well, all that's water under the bridge anyway. He's seeing someone, and he must really like her. I know him well enough to know that he won't date someone he's not into, which just makes me dislike the poor girl whoever she is. I can't believe i've succumbed to jealously and not liking someone i don't even know *wry smile*. Nothing's going to happen, i'm not about to get into another long distance relationship and most importantly, i suspect all this is some kind of 'reactive crush'. You know, cuz i found out he had a thing for me, i had a thing for him, and now i'm imaginning things and letting myself 'feel things'...bah! feelings are for wimps and emotions are fickle!

I'm gonna man up and sort my ish out! If only i knew how..i'm open to suggestions 

In the meantime, i'm covering the weekend night shifts..yep i'm at work friday, saturday and sunday night..I need to go jump in the shower and hop to it..gosh i need a holiday

Have a fantastic weekend guys and remember not too worry so much, nothing's ever be accomplished by worrying. Do what you can, and let the universe sort the rest out.

Enitan
xx